Mosquitoes vs. OFF

Western Maryland boasts some beautiful scenery, including mountains ("There are mountains in Maryland?" my mother asked after our trip, surprised) and the largest man-made lake in the state. That is to say, the largest lake in the state, as all the lakes here are man-made (probably in China).


The views are spectacular, and the view from one mountain in particular -- the lake spread out below, dotted with homes and boats -- inspires in one a deep desire to yodel. Indeed, while we were geocaching* on the mountain, the Hero was so taken with the view that several times he was scarcely refrained from acting on this impulse, and required a great deal of prompting to return to the task at hand.** 


But as inspiring as the scenery was, I was under constant strain during the trip, especially in the evening. This is when the Giant Mosquitoes go on the prowl, looking for new blood. Looking for ME, a Certified Mosquito Attractor, an All-You-Can-Eat Mosquito Buffet.


As I indicated yesterday, the mosquitoes in this area are about the same size as the black bears who also roam the region, bur more fearsome. Wherever we went, I encased myself in OFF. If OFF is ever to linked to some awful affliction, like memory loss, I will be the first to know it.


Um, where was I? Oh yes, mosquitoes.


I constantly fretted about them on our trip. Even safe inside our bed and breakfast place, I mused about whether I should put mosquito netting around the bed.


"We're inside," the Hero pointed out. "They're outside."


"Oh, they'll find me," I said, peering out through the curtains into the night, where I could just make out a crudely constructed sign that said Come on out! We will won't bite.


Miraculously, the OFF seemed to work pretty well. Unfortunately this only made the mosquitoes mad, and they sometimes took their vengeance out on the Hero.


"The mosquitoes were terrible!" he complained after our fishing expedition.


"What mosquitoes?" I said.


And after horseback riding, "The flies wouldn't leave me alone!" he said.


"What flies?" I said.


I returned home with only ONE mosquito bite, probably from a rogue mosquito that snuck into the B&B with us, wearing a gas mask to protect itself from the OFF until I showered. 


Obviously, encasing myself in insect repellent works, so I will continue to do so. At least, until I start losing my -- uh, my mem -- um --


Excuse me, what was I saying?




*Normally, "a pursuit in which participants use GPS coordinates and their wilderness survival skills to locate a hidden cache of treasure." In OUR version, "a pursuit in which participants wander around hopelessly on the side of a mountain."


**Which was to figure out how the heck to get off the mountain.