Pardon our recalculating

With our guests last weekend we ventured into DC by car, as is proper for someone who hails from the Motor City. Anyone else would ride the subway, or use some other form of more sensible transportation, such as a three-legged sack. But cars are sacred to those of us having roots in Michigan, and driving them is our sacred duty. When you first get your driver's license in the state, you are required to sign an affidavit that no matter where you may roam on life's journey, you will do so by car, and by car alone.


(Someone is going to point out that I have not kept my sacred duty to go by car when I go to work each day, but after reading this post you might understand why.)


Of course we took along the GPS. In our experience, the GPS is less an absolute authority than a catalyst for debate, and this trip was no exception. With five of us, someone was having an issue with the GPS directions at any one time.


GPS: Turn right in 1 mile at N Street.


Passenger 1: I don't think you should do that.


Passenger 2: Nope, we should turn LEFT in 1 mile.


Passenger 1: I don't think we should turn at all.


Driver: Did it say N or M?


Passenger 3 (peering out window): I hope we didn't want N.


GPS: Recalculating...In 200 feet, turn right on Monarch Street. Then keep left.


Passenger 2 (to GPS): You don't know what you're talking about.


GPS (to Passenger 2): Look who knows so much.


Driver (to GPS): Be quiet.


GPS: Hmmmph. (Is quiet for several minutes) 


Passenger 4 (looking idly at road signs): I didn't know we pass Florida on our way to DC.


GPS (gleefully): I see you missed some turns, Ms. Know-It-All. Would you like some help now?


Driver and passengers: Be quiet!


GPS: Hmmmph (Is quiet for several more minutes) Turn left in 100 feet and drive for 753 miles.


Driver: What?? That will put us in the Atlantic Ocean!


GPS: (snort)


Eventually, with the help of a printed map and no doubt also some divine pity, we found our way to our destination. On our way home we decided to go a different route entirely, which caused considerable consternation in the GPS.


GPS: I TOLD you to go straight back there.


Driver: We're going THIS way.


GPS: Recalculating. Recalculating. Recalculating.


Passenger 1: I think we should take this road.


GPS: (snort!)


Passenger 1 (to GPS): Be quiet!


GPS: (remains silent for rest of trip)


Passenger 4 (idly watching road signs): Did we MEAN to drive to Mount Rushmore?


Driver: Recalculating!


Mercifully, we arrived home, although a bit later than we should have according to the GPS (GPS estimated arrival time: 6:04 p.m. Saturday, actual arrival time: 10:37 p.m. the following Tuesday). The device was feeling pretty smug, even though it had steered us wrong more than once.


"Just behave," I threatened it. "Or next time, we'll take the subway."


GPS: Recalculating!