A gift for someone who has it all (and wants to get rid of it)

In June a certain Male Relative will be observing his 90th birthday, for which a party is being planned. This event will be attended by his various children and grandchildren, who love him and rarely pass up a chance to eat cake. 


There has been some discussion of what kind of present to get the honoree. Such discussions usually begin with, "What does a 90-year-old need, or want?" and end with, "We have no idea."


To assist us in selecting something appropriate, I searched for "90th birthday ideas" on the internet. One might think, judging from the results that turned up, that only women turn 90. Most of the suggestions were things like nightgowns, plants, candles, crocheted doilies and tea cozies, etc. 


But certain items suggested by various sources seemed applicable to either gender. Slippers, for instance, might be appreciated by any person of advanced age to help ward off drafts. So would a sweater, perhaps, or a ticket to a warm climate such as Florida.


Many sites suggested a gift that would remind the recipient of his or her youth (but stay away from diapers). A recording of artists from bygone days, for example, or movies with favorite actors. In our case, there cannot possibly be a DVD the Male Relative does not already own or has not borrowed from the library numerous times, so that would seem to be out. Music has never seemed to be of great interest to him, except for certain songs with a marine focus (his favorite over the years has been "Oh, a sailor's life is the life for MEEEE!").


Neither does he need clothes, as he stays quite in style thanks to Other Relatives (for years he wore socks to church that prominently proclaimed, "I LOVE DAD"). He owns more ties than most businessmen, and not the short kind, either. His hobbies -- chiefly sleeping, watching TV, sleeping while watching TV, etc. -- do not seem to lend themselves to gifts.


Some gift-idea sites advocated giving a basket of the person's favorite goodies, although most tactfully suggested avoiding nuts or other food items that might be difficult to chew for one who finds himself with fewer teeth than in previous stages of life. Fortunately the Male Relative does not have to be concerned about this, as he has all his teeth. He also does not concern himself with avoiding foods that are bad for him, so if we were to put together a basket of his favorite edibles, it might include such items as salami, canned soup, full-fat ice cream, and Lucky Charms.


In the end, perhaps, we may decide that the best gift is the time we spend with him, although he has never been one to discourage presents. "If they want to give me a gift, who am I to say no?" he often says modestly.


At 90, he deserves to have that wish honored. What form will it take? We have no idea.