Hello to you, too

During our Easter visit with friends, the Hero prefaced a question to one of the single females with, "I hope this isn't too nosy..."

Instantly I tried to head off what I knew was coming. I made frantic shaking motions with my head and emitted strangled noises that could have been interpreted, if only he had been paying attention to me, as "Abort! Abort!" I was desperate enough to yell, "Dinner's on fire!" but unfortunately this was true, and had already transpired, so I did not think a second occurrence would be credible.

All my efforts were to no avail. He plunged on, inquiring about a particular man who was rumored to possibly have an interest in the woman being questioned, as evidenced by the fact that the man occasionally says hello to her.

The woman was gracious about this interrogation, even as the Hero, pretending that he did not know that I was willing him to suddenly get a foot cramp, or a stomach cramp, and betake himself off to the bathroom, continued to be nosy and ask further questions. Did she talk to the gentleman? (occasionally) Did he seem to be any less shy than previously? ("His sentences might be getting longer.") What had they talked about? (his cows) Did she think that he would be interested if SHE were the one to make a move? (She had no idea.)

Now, WOMEN are known to ask all manner of nosy questions. We are primed for this, even before birth (newborn female to obstetrician: "Can I see some credentials here, please?...Uh huh, and where exactly did you go to medical school?" etc.). Men, however, really do not get into asking nosy questions. This is not because they are more polite. It is simply that if the topic is not something to do with a vehicle, or a house, or various tools, or sports, or something mechanical, it really does not exist for them. Asking questions about anything else simply does not occur to them.

When the man is told something nosy that a woman has learned, the man has a predictable response:

Woman: Honey, you won't believe it! Jennifer's dog can perform miracles!

Man: So, I was thinking I should work on the carburetor this weekend.

Typically the Hero would not ask nosy questions, either. But there is something about this particular situation that induces him to nosiness, although he would not call it nosiness.

"I just want to let her know that it's okay for women to be bold," he said later. "YOU were bold. You asked me the big question."

Hereupon resumed a disagreement that has arisen, with occasional variations, since we were engaged and that will probably continue the whole of our natural lives.

"I did no such thing," I said firmly. "I was merely trying to clarify the relationship."

"Mmm hmmm," he said. "You women use code words. Guys are on to those code words. We know what you're really saying."

"And what code word did I use?"

" 'Hello.' "

" 'Hello'?"

" 'Hello.' "

"And can this code word be used by guys too?" I said. "Cuz if so, I think our friend can take heart with regard to the gentleman with the cows..."