Yes, no, maybe not

The word "no" was discovered somewhat accidentally way back in history. Previously, people could only say "yes," which in many instances caused a bit of confusion. 


Doctor (poking his patient): Does it hurt here?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: How about here?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Here? Here? Here?
Patient (increasingly agitated): Yes. Yes. Yes.
Doctor to nurse: Well, I guess we'll have to remove everything.
Patient (wailing): YESSSSSSS!


Finally a group of toddlers, tired of not being able to assert their independence, got together to forge a solution, and ended up fighting over each other's toys. Amidst the arguing and pulling, one toddler suddenly let out an enraged "Noooooooo!" and the fighting stopped immediately. The others were impressed.


"No" quickly became the rallying cry of toddlers everywhere. It wasn't long before it caught on with other groups.


Women: No, I am not going to eat that second donut.


Men: No, those pants don't make your rear look big.


Teen: No, your Honor, I have never seen these people who claim to be my parents. I CERTAINLY did not issue forth from them.


Elderly: No, I do not need help getting up. No, I do not need help sitting down. And no, I am not going to eat my All-Bran!


The word "No" brought power to the powerless, options to the optionless, and sanity to the home decorating process ("No, I don't think we should paint the outside of the house chartreuse").


A certain Male Relative, recovering from physical ailments, made good use of the word recently when he was visited by a home health aide. The aide announced that she had come to assist the Male Relative with bathing.


He looked at her and said simply, "No."


"No, what?" she said. 


"No, you are not going to help me bathe," the Male Relative said.


"Why not?"


He looked at her. "You," he said, pointing to her, "are a female. I am a male. You are not coming in there" -- he gestured to the bathroom -- "with me."


Finally, unable to persuade him, the aide turned to leave. "I'm supposed to come every day," she said. "Do you want me to come back?"


The Male Relative looked at her again.


"Never mind," she said. "I think I know the answer."


NO.