A polite complaint

Dear Managers of ___ Beach, East Coast, USA

We would like to express our admiration for your lovely town and even lovelier beach, which we have visited upon several occasions. It is clean and bustling, merchants seem to be thriving, and a visitor can hardly take five or ten steps in any direction without chancing by an ice cream establishment (other towns would do well to emulate yours in this respect). And thankfully, there are many things to do in the vicinity when it is raining.

Which actually brings me to a concern I wanted to share (you knew there would be one, did you not?). And that is, MUST it be raining every time we come to your town?

Because it IS always raining, at some point, when we are in your town. No doubt there is some scientific reason for this, e.g., you are in a rain belt or something. But I cannot help but wonder if there is some human factor involved here. Other nearby beaches do not seem to be plagued with this problem. (Not, of course, that we go to other beaches on a regular basis instead of coming to yours.)

Is the excess rain perhaps a ruse to get people off the beach (collectively we visitors DO make a rather large mess there, I suppose) and into the stores and restaurants, where there are seemingly endless opportunities to spend one's money on things that one will not remember an hour later? This is excepting, of course, the excellent bookstore on your main avenue, which we gladly frequent even when it is NOT raining. The particular collection of books in this store delights the eye and the mind, and the vast array of lovely blank journals, awaiting the writer's innermost thoughts, is so far beyond any we have ever seen that -- but I must return to the issue of rain.

In addition to the rain quite interfering with one's enjoyment of the beach, it makes it more difficult to visit and feed the very hungry (pardon me, but I must say it -- greedy) parking meters that line the streets of your town. Now, you cannot be faulted for wishing to draw as much money from visitors to your town as you can, but might I suggest that you make it a tiny bit easier for them? 

Perhaps, for instance, you could start with parking meters that allow drivers to deposit money for more than one hour at a time. Having to continually trek back to one's vehicle to put in more change gets quite tedious and might even lead to carpal tunnel syndrome from the repetitive motion of telling other drivers seeking a space that no, you are not leaving yours. I am sure that you do not wish your lovely town to be known as the "town where people get carpal tunnel."

But here I must sign off, as I have no doubt given you much food for thought as you contemplate ways to improve your town's image, and also because while I have been composing this letter I have been standing in line for the women's restroom at your fair beach, and I am now next in line and dare not jeopardize my position to utilize one of only a handful of stalls. Not that I am complaining, of course.

If you wish to discuss any of the complaints or suggestions I have put forth, I would be more than happy to do so. You will find me in that excellent bookstore I earlier made reference to, in the aisle housing Local Interest and Literary Collections. I'll have my umbrella with me.

Signed,

A Hopeful, but Soggy, Visitor