We treat ourselves to a B&B

When we travel, the Hero and I enjoy staying in bed and breakfast establishments. Such inns are typically old and often historic, as is our own home, and since they have narrow, creaky historic stairways, as does our home, and nothing is completely square, and the bathroom is no larger than a typical underground prairie dog chamber, we feel right at home.


The bed and breakfast we stayed in recently was delightfully historic. It boasted of historic figures who had either stayed there or visited for a time ("Abraham Lincoln almost decided to stay here on October 13, 1862"). Prominently displayed in various rooms were historic locks of hair, such as that of George Washington. Our innkeeper explained that in the past, public figures would often bestow a bit of their hair on those who were gathered to listen to a speech. Personally I would consider this a good reason to stay away from where the speech was being given, but doubtless I simply lack an appreciative spirit.*


Our bed and breakfast was known as The Inn of the Garrulous Innkeeper. This is not its proper name, of course; that is being withheld for safety reasons. OUR safety. If we mentioned the actual name of the inn, possibly the garrulous innkeeper would locate us, and thus would end all our hopes for a future life of peace and quiet.


Now, it is probably normal for most people who go into the bed and breakfast industry to tend to score on the more extroverted end of personality scales, and to enjoy talking to other people. Career tests probably contain questions aimed at ferreting out this information: "True or False: You can, and often do, talk on every subject from Biblical laws on clothing to the use of nanoparticles in medicine. True or False: You have noticed that everyone you have met more than once suddenly, upon encountering you, appears to be in an urgent hurry to be somewhere else. If both were answered Yes, recommended career: Owner of a bed and breakfast establishment. (Alternatively, a taxi driver)."


Certainly our innkeeper fit these criteria. We would not have been surprised to have him follow us right into our room and continue giving forth his ideas on land rights, how poorly America's students fare in comparison with kids in other countries, the difficulties of finding artisans who can do plaster work properly, the lack of propriety on the part of some guests in visiting EVERY winery in the vicinity in one day, and any number of other topics that held no relation whatsoever to each other, but which to him all made perfect sense to be considered together. In fact, upon further reflection, he DID follow us into our room to talk about these things.


One topic that did perk us up was that John Grisham, author, lives down the street from the inn.** Between the Hero and I we have probably read about one sentence from all of Mr. Grisham's books put together, but nevertheless it is something to be staying in the vicinity of a celebrated personage. We would have liked to see his home, but were restrained from asking its location upon hearing that many guests of the inn turn out to be "author stalkers." We certainly did not want to be lumped in with that group.


Mr. Grisham reportedly owns white cows, which are presumably rarer than cows of other colors, and this gave us the idea of looking for his home based on finding his herd of white cows. We found several homesteads with white cows, however, leading us to believe that Mr. Grisham has evidently, in an effort to thwart would-be stalkers, donated some of his cows to neighboring farms. There was no telling which actually belonged to him, although we suspect that his cows hang out together in groups of 12.


We had no definite agenda on this trip, which I'm sure has become evident through this relating of some of our time there. I am afraid that perhaps our garrulous host has rubbed off on us, and we have picked up his habit of never finishing one topic before going on to the next. Did I mention that we dined one night at a fine establishment (recommended by our innkeeper) known as Dr. Ho's Humble Pie and Alternative Pizza? No? Well, remind me to tell you about it sometime. 


*Note: The room in which we stayed for two nights contained NO displays of historic locks of hair. I heartily recommend this room.
**We understand that Mr. Grisham is a very private person and that therefore no lock of hair purporting to belong to him is held amongst the inn's belongings.