Not such a mouthful

Over the years my mother has helped keep the local dental industry thriving. With five children and with somewhat poor teeth herself, she has probably helped the family's dentists send their kids to college, buy a second home, travel around the world, send their grandkids to college, buy a third home, retire early, learn how to parachute, etc.

"If you're wondering where all your inheritance has gone, just look in here," she says, opening her mouth wide.

For as long as I can remember, she has had several false teeth. They have been like another member of the family, hanging around, taking up space in the bathroom, sometimes being left behind accidentally when we went somewhere.

She has gradually acquired more false teeth as her own decay, or are worn down, or are cracked beyond repair. ("It's those almonds," she says.) The dentist is running out of real teeth to work with.

There have been occasional complaints on her part about the cost of her dental work, particularly routine cleaning.

"Why should I pay the same as someone who has all their real teeth when I only have a few?" she says. 

No real reason has been forthcoming from the dentist.

Now HE is starting to complain. Recently he bemoaned having to work on "certain people."

"What people?" my mother said. "Old people?"

"Well, yes," he said, embarrassed. "I mean" -- he tried to be delicate -- "you don't know, uh, how much longer you're going to be using your teeth, and I would feel badly about doing a lot of work on your teeth and charging you a lot if you're not going to use them very long." 

"So don't charge me so much," she said.

This is something she never would have said years ago, but after a certain age she felt that she had been on this earth long enough to say what she wanted, within certain bounds, and anything concerning money -- particularly HER money -- was certainly within those bounds.

In the end the dentist pledged to do what he could for her without charging her TOO much, which means that he has no more children to put through college. And that, possibly, he is not terribly interested in learning to parachute.