The Olympics that weren't (at least here)

It would be appropriate, with the exciting London Games just ended, to dedicate at least one post to the events that transpired there. Unfortunately, for various reasons, we know very little of those events. Excuses we have, but not much actual knowledge.

The sum total of our Summer Olympic 2012 Awareness is as follows:

• Michael Phelps.

Actually, we know a little bit more than that:

• Michael Phelps is really retiring.

• Maybe.

In non-Michael Phelps knowledge, we have this to offer:

• Records were smashed right and left in the Games, but some TV reporters remain unable to ask athletes intelligent questions. ("Why do you think you lost so badly?")

• Certain badminton players were booted out for "losing on purpose." Maybe they thought they would get to play something more exciting if they lost at badminton. 

• Indoor cycling was created solely to take advantage of a made-up language, not unlike Tolkien's Elvish languages, consisting of such terms as: derny, omnium, and keirin. These words mean, roughly, "things you would not understand even if they were in English." A Male Relative explained some of the finer points of this sport: 1) If you're in front, don't get caught. 2) If you're not in front, get in front. Basically this sounds like the goal of pretty much every sport in the Olympics, except possibly diving ("If you enter the water with a swimsuit on, make sure you come out with it on"). 

• A female swimmer lost her cap during a race but was able to win despite this handicap. This was most likely due to the fact that she had, throughout the entire race, actually been wearing two caps and managed to hang on to the second one. We suspect that she has her mother to thank for this ("I don't care what anyone else does, young lady, YOU will always wear two swim caps!").

• The makers of the US women's swimsuits have been criticized for failing to make sure their product properly covers certain body parts, making it necessary for the wearer to constantly adjust the upper and lower regions of the product. (Also, when two or more swimmers happen to be engaged in these actions at the same time, it is known as "synchronized swimming.")

• For the opening ceremony, the queen was let down into the stadium by her long tresses...oh wait, wrong story... 

So that is our Summer Olympic recap. We realize that pretty much everybody, including Curiosity roaming around up there on Mars, knows more than we do about the Games just ended. We will attempt to do better by the Winter Olympics in two years. We leave with this parting thought: Maybe Curiosity's REAL job is scouting out a site for the 2044 Olympics?