But he also suggested that I exaggerate the part about the cooler, specifically about its size. (If you recall, Joe was on the hunt for a cooler the size of New Mexico.) So, when it came time for me to submit a revision of a story I'd already done, I figured I could earn some points with my stingy instructor by taking his suggestions. I revised part of the story and resubmitted it for the last required assignment of the course, and low and behold my trick worked. He loved it. If only we could have started out the course with this glowing feedback.
But anyway, below is my revision of Joe's search for the perfect (read: enormous) cooler. Enjoy.
By the time Joe actually hit the stores to purchase the cooler, summer was nearing an end. Rakes and shovels had replaced most of the coolers on the shelves. Several nights he came home discouraged, but he pressed on.
One evening he burst through the door. “I FOUND IT!” he cried.
I looked at his empty hands. “Well? Where is it?”
“It’s being delivered. Should be here Saturday.”
“Delivered?” I said, puzzled. “Didn’t they have it in stock?”
“It wouldn’t fit in the car,” he said.
I felt a new sympathy for wives who yield to the impulse to take a blunt instrument to their husband’s head.
On Saturday a freight delivery truck pulled in the driveway. “Were you expecting something?” I yelled to Joe.
He looked out the window. “The cooler!” he said excitedly, and ran out the door.
It took six men to roll out the new cooler. It had eight wheels—two in front, two in the rear, and four in the middle. The lid opened with a remote control, which also triggered a rope ladder to fall to the ground for easy access. The cooler could hold a field of watermelon; enough hot dogs to serve a crowd of baseball fans; 1563 bags of buns; 250 pounds of baby carrots, 2 tons of catsup, mustard, and mayonnaise, and 10 barrels of lemonade. There would still be plenty of room left for several sides of beef.
“How do you propose we get it to the beach?” I finally managed to say.
“Oh, we can rent a trailer to haul it,” he said.
“It’s against the homeowner’s association rules to have something like that parked here permanently,” I warned.
He did not seem bothered by this. “Maybe we could build an addition to the garage.”
“Why don’t we just attach it to the house and use it as a walk-in freezer?” I said.
“Hey, that’s a great idea!” he said. “See, I knew you’d like it.”
I shook my head and started back into the house. He scrambled up the ladder and peered over the edge of the cooler.
“Allllright!” he yelled.
What now? I turned around.
“You should see the size of these ice packs!” he said.
They had better be big, I thought. He would need them for the king-size headache he was going to feel, just as soon as I found something suitably big to cause it.
2 comments:
Your writing is still awesome, however, I think your original cooler story was "cooler"!
Don't get me wrong, this is very funny.....and very visual, but your first story was tightly written and left more to the readers imagination.
(I think) that like your first story, you casually "plunk" chords of familiarity with the general reader, encompassing their own experiences with beaches, coolers, and sandy hot dogs.
Not only was your orginal story funny on it's own, it also allowed the reader to resonate with their own experiences and adds humor and credibility to each persons' life experiences.
Good job Holly, but stay true to yourself............and possibly entertain the thought that your instructor was intimidated by your writing skills, and perhaps he learned something from you (every good teacher learns "something" from their students).
Thus one more example of Male perspectives and their outlook on life.
Stay true to yourself! Your first article was very good!
Cissy -- I actually liked the first one better, too! :) Joe really laughed when he read this revision, though, so maybe it is a male thing -- they are obsessed with getting the biggest of everything...TVs, electronics, coolers...
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