Whose birthday is it, anyway?

I want to know where it is written that it is a wife's job to keep track of family birthdays -- including her husband's family -- and send them appropriate cards. I did not sign up for this responsibility when I agreed to get married, unless it was in some fine print on the marriage license, which I admit I looked at only long enough to make sure I was legally marrying the right person.

After missing the first few birthdays in Joe's family after our marriage because I didn't know they had occurred, I decided Joe and I should split this responsibility. He buys cards for his family members and signs them; I do everything else. I nag him for three weeks to buy each card, I take it out of the bag when he brings it home, locate a pen that works, put the card and pen in plain sight so he will see them and realize he is supposed to do something with them, remind him who the card is for, nag him for four days to sign the card, put the cap back on the pen when he is done, put the signed card in the envelope and seal it, address the envelope, find a stamp, affix the stamp to the envelope, and put the card in the mailbox. You can see that we have a very fair distribution of responsibility with regard to this matter. I'm sure many women are not so lucky.

Husband: You want me to do what, now?
Patient wife: Get a birthday card for your mom.
Husband: What's that?
Patient wife: You know, a greeting card. "Happy Birthday," Hallmark...
Husband: Never heard of 'em.

Now before the man is married, it is perfectly acceptable for him to not only not send a card but to be totally ignorant of the fact that other people even have birthdays. If he is invited to a celebration for someone, he attends entirely based on the knowledge that there will be food served, a commodity in short supply in many bachelor households. At least, food that any human being would want to consume.

Joe was amazed at the amount of birthday cards I received the first year we were married. "How come you get so many?" he wanted to know.

"Because I send these people cards for their birthdays," I explained.

"Cool," he said. "Maybe I should send my friends birthday cards, too."

"Sure," I said. "First you have to find out when all their birthdays are, then remember to get the cards, then..."

"Forget it," he said, his eyes glazing over.

I smiled. Yes! My job description didn't need any expanding.