Parental adjustment

With my mom in the hospital for several weeks, Dad is certainly rising to the occasion, bringing her things to make life a little more comfortable and help her pass the time. For instance, he brings her the bills to pay, since she has always been the one to pay them ("she'll worry about them if I do them"). He brings her the crossword puzzle to work on, when he remembers, which is about once a week. He is even opening drawers he has never opened in his life to bring her the clothes she needs. Well, he brings clothes. They aren't always the ones she needs, as you can see from the following.

What Mom asks for
some pants
some shirts
socks
a pair of shoes

What Mom gets
several dresses
1 sock
entire bag of nylons
pumps that, for the last 15 years, she has worn only to church

"I don't know where your father thinks I'm going while I'm here," she said. "It's not like we get dressed up for dinner."

But Mom is upbeat each time I talk to her. Understand, this is not typical for my mother. A glass is never half-full for her. Her motto concerning glasses is more "Is that another dirty glass I have to wash?" But now, after a few weeks of having everything done for her, and awaiting a move to an assisted living program where my dad will join her, she is happier than ever. I think she is thrilled at the prospect of -- perhaps for the first time in her life -- being waited on. "They give you three meals a day!" she says, rapturously. "I'll never have to cook again." The quality of the food presents no problem. This is a woman who thinks hospital food is fine dining. As long as she doesn't have to cook it, it tastes great.

Dad, of course, takes the prospect of being waited on for granted. It's all he knows. It's been a little tougher to accomplish without my mom at home, but he's a resourceful man. He has all the church ladies bringing food, doing laundry, even washing his dishes.

"You can't wash your own dishes, Dad?" I say.

"Well, they want to help," he says modestly. "I should let them help, shouldn't I?"

I hope none of them wants to help wash the windows, or paint the garage, because he will let them.

Although Dad is not as convinced as Mom that their new home will be a bed of roses, I'm sure he'll settle in soon. A handsome, charming 86-year-old man in an assisted living program? All the female residents will swoon, and the caregivers will probably give him a little extra attention. Who knows? They may even wash the dishes for him.