Readers search for meaning (but they won't find it here)

For lack of anything better to do, today we return to our look at the search terms that lead readers to this blog. The great variety in these terms shows the depth and breadth of topics presented here. It also shows that I am not the only one who has nothing better to do.

Many people show an interest in involving themselves in community action, as is evident by their searches for things like "decorating your cubicle" and "decorating your co-worker's cubicle when they're on vacation." It is heartening to see that America's office workers are concerned about more than just collecting a paycheck. How thoughtful of someone to want to enhance a co-worker's space to welcome him or her back from a restful trip, probably to some exotic place the other person has never been and will probably never get to visit, like Tahiti. I am surprised the search terms did not also include "toilet paper."

Some readers are rightfully concerned about what is in today's food products, such as the person who searched for "crustaceans in donuts." People have known for years about hot dog fillers, but the tendency for donut suppliers to fill their donuts with questionable animal parts is lesser known. If your donut is crunchy and appears to have several appendages, well, I would stick with hot dogs. Or perhaps this reader was searching for a recipe, in which case I am glad I do not know this person and therefore cannot receive an invitation to brunch.

Crustaceans in donuts are by no means the only food-related searches I see. People are fascinated with "humorous Dove bar sayings." I have personally examined countless Dove bar sayings, in my free time and without any compensation, and have yet to find any I would classify as humorous. A possible way to be amused by Dove bars is to use the wrappers to decorate your co-worker's cubicle.

In this exciting election time, people also come to this blog to find out where their favorite candidates stand. This can be seen in the many searches for "humorous survey results" and "humorous polls." No doubt these people are hoping to find that yes! Dave Barry is ahead in the presidential race!

Speaking of Dave Barry, whose crusade against low-flush toilets is well known, there is -- judging from recent searches -- an apparent movement to popularize "short toilets." I am heartily in support of this, having been inconvenienced on more than one occasion when visiting my parents, whose toilets all come from some company named Jack the Giant's Commodes.

And finally, some queries focus on life's great mysteries, like "what happened to the cherry chewable Benadryl tablets?" I can only offer this suggestion: Do you get tired and sluggish upon consuming a hot dog? If so, I think you may have your answer.