Ode to Wegmans

Wegmans, for those of you who are unfortunate enough not to be familiar with it, is a grocery store here in the East, although there are people who would not hesitate to have me thrown to wild boars for calling it a grocery store. Vast quantities of people routinely go to Wegmans without any intention of buying groceries. Many of them probably are not even aware that Wegmans sells groceries, so awed are they by the store's Asian buffet, salad and fruit bar, fresh bakery bread, cute muffins and pastries and cookies, large and comfortable dining area, little plastic bags for their wet umbrellas, etc.

Wegmans is part field trip ("Look! Fifty-three kinds of olives!"), part entertainment venue (children can be parked in front of the dairy case for days, watching the model train circle above them), part museum ("Look! Fifty-three kinds of rare olives!"), and part shrine ("Here alone can I find my Extra Aged Appenzellar cheese. Please accept my humble thanks [and my charge card], O Wegmans!").

I have seen people strolling the aisles four abreast, coffee and pastry in hand, stopping occasionally to point out the 20 kinds of steaming soup or touch the Extra Aged Appenzellar cheese reverently. I rattle my shopping cart noisily behind them, just to let them know that someone, at least, is here to actually shop for groceries, and could they please move out of the way. But the spell is upon them, and they never get the hint.

Wegmans is always busy, partly because a certain percentage of shoppers cannot find their way out, and may wander around the store for several days before finding the exit, subsisting on free samples and candy located in the bulk food aisle.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, how could a store that has all this NOT have an apostrophe in its name?? That's what I am thinking, anyway. Luckily, Wegmans has a very helpful and comprehensive Web site, including FAQs addressing such vital topics as "Where will Wegmans be building new stores in the future?" "Will there be one down the street from my house?" and, yes, "Why is there no apostrophe in Wegmans?" The answer to this last question -- in my opinion by far the most important -- can be found here. I commend Wegmans for this valiant attempt to rally the acceptance and support of punctuation-conscious consumers. After all, the last thing the store needs is a bunch of protesters chanting "What a mess! What a mess! Where is the apostrophe-s??"

Wegmans, with its cuisine for all tastes, promise of hidden treasure, and dodge-em cars atmosphere, might even be considered a vacation destination. About the only thing it does not offer is fishing, but can that be far behind?