Time out for more holidays

We deeply apologize for failing to mention that yesterday, February 3, was National Carrot Day. We are unaware of whether there is a national carrot somewhere, similar to Punxsutawney Phil the national groundhog and the national Christmas tree, that symbolizes for all Americans the importance of this day. But carrots are, of course, extremely important to our national security, being the color of the second highest terror alert, and indeed for anti-vegetable children, carrots ARE the highest terror alert.

Yesterday was also Elmo's birthday. (Elmo is, you will note, the color of the highest terror alert, although we are sure this is purely coincidental.) He is not saying how old he is, or whether he eats carrots, but if he were to publicly support National Carrot Day I'm sure more kids would be willing to eat their carrots. It worked for my sister, who idolized the Elmo of her day, Howdy Doody, even to the point of eating whatever Howdy Doody would eat, yea, even though it be carrots. Once she inquired of my mother when it would be time to eat lunch, and was informed that she had already eaten lunch while glued to Howdy Doody's figure on TV. Luckily she had no siblings at the time, or they would surely have taken advantage of her devotion to Howdy, and convinced her that he ate things like toilet paper.

But enough about yesterday's news. Today is an even bigger day of celebrations, starting with National Stuffed Mushroom Day. This day is not to be confused with National (Unstuffed) Mushroom Day, which is October 15, and is reserved for the common everyday mushroom. If you have trouble understanding why the mushroom should have not one but TWO holidays allotted to it, you will want to read this mouthwatering description of the mushroom, courtesy of a party planning site: "Mushrooms are the fleshy, fruit body of a fungus and typically contain a stem, cap, and gills." Now if THAT does not inspire us to go right out and consume mounds of the venerable mushroom -- a fungus with gills -- I don't know what will.

But all these holidays pale in comparison to the one in our own household today, which is the day Joe leaves behind his youthful 30s. He kicked off the day by making his 40th move in what could become the longest running online chess game in the history of online chess games, and which from all appearances could still be in progress on his 60th birthday.

He is heartened to know that although getting old may be mandatory, growing up is optional. He takes that to mean he doesn't have to eat carrots.