Those of you who may have noticed that parts of the East were swallowed by a massive snowstorm this weekend will be relieved to know that we are alive and well, an unfortunate incident in the grocery store involving five pounds of ground round and several pomegranates notwithstanding. But everything is back to normal, as evidenced by this reassuring letter from our daily newspaper.
To: All our loyal newspaper readers (by our count there are at least 10 of you)
From: Your big-city newspaper
Dear Readers:
We value you as our customer, and we appreciate your understanding during this time of inclement weather. Please realize, however, that we are not the post office, nor are our carriers postal carriers, those hardy, dedicated souls for whom neither slow nor sleet nor rain is a deterrent to their task. We have been deterred from our task by far less, we can assure you.
But please be further assured that we are working diligently to get the paper delivered in a timely fashion, just as soon as we finish playing Rock, Scissors, Paper to determine the poor sap who has to brave this blizzard to deliver your paper.
We apologize for any inconvenience that may arise from this brief interruption in service -- we fully anticipate resuming our regular delivery schedule in plenty of time to announce the winners of the November elections -- and will make every effort to see that our readers are in no way deprived of the important news that they depend on reading after they have already heard it through other media.
We understand that another large storm is on its way to our area, so if it's all the same to you, we'll just keep playing Rock, Scissors, Paper. See you in November!
Sincerely,
Your editors
P.S. We bet you haven't gotten any mail delivery either, have you? So there!
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