Beware coconuts and toilet bowl cleaner

Today we take a break from all the destruction the Princess is trying to pretend is not going on in her house, and look at some helpful statistics that should help us all sleep a good deal better at night. If not, at least we'll have something to think about while we lie there wide awake.

400,000 people are injured each year by their beds, mattresses, or pillows. If nothing else keeps you up at night, this will, wondering whether you'll be one of the lucky ones to make it through the night with no serious injuries. It is not known how many of these injuries are caused by individuals who, for instance, may be tired of their spouse's snoring.

During your waking hours, you may want to consider how much you are exerting yourself. You have a 1 in 1,428,377 chance of dying from overexertion. This seems quite remote, but who wants to chance it? Definitely do not overexert yourself making the bed, because then you join the odds of dying from overexertion with the odds of getting hurt by your bed. Not good.

Here is one comforting statistic, if you are concerned about your likelihood of being murdered: You have a slightly higher chance of being injured by toilet bowl cleaner than being murdered. Many people choose to avoid this risk altogether by never cleaning their toilet bowl, which of course puts them at risk of being overpowered by bacteria, but they appear willing to take that chance.

Reports of coconuts falling and injuring people appear to be greatly exaggerated, although it does happen. My advice, if you want to be on the safe side, would be to wear some sort of helmet if you plan to be in close proximity to coconut trees. However, you might also want to consider that a small percentage of people are injured by helmets each year. You must weigh the two odds very carefully, keeping in mind that getting injured by a coconut makes for a way cooler story than getting hurt by your helmet.

The odds of getting hit by other falling objects vary -- for hail, they are 1 in 5,000,000. Even more remote is the chance that you will be hit by blue ice, which is frozen airplane-lavatory waste that can unfortunately leak out and has been known to hit houses. To date no person has been hit by blue ice, but you never know.

In our house right now, with all the renovation going on, the odds of something falling have greatly increased, so that our chances of NOT getting hit by something falling from the ceiling is about 0. We are, however, probably safe from coconuts.