Mom and the zombies

It is important for younger people to spend time with the older generation, because our elders have vast stores of experience and wisdom to pass along. Their experiences, and their wide range of reading, all make them uniquely qualified to help guide the younger generations through life. I recently had a discussion with my 84-year-old mother about a subject which, in days past, I may not have been so willing to listen to, but I now realize my mother's vast depth of knowledge about the world.

"I've been reading about Jane Austen and the zombies," she said.

Editor's note: The material that follows is somewhat mature, and should be read only by those who recognize that if an 84-year-old great-grandmother can handle it, so can they.

I had seen that book in the bookstore and had quickly passed by it. Clearly, my wiser mother had recognized the book's potential for broadening one's understanding, whereas I, younger and less in tune with things, had dismissed it out of hand.

"It's a really thick book," she said, "because it's got the actual Pride and Prejudice story, so you'll be reading that, and then all of sudden these dead people come out of the ground and go around trying to bite Elizabeth and her sisters.

"If someone gets bitten, they have to kill them and cut off their head, because the vampires want to eat live brains."

She gave a rather graphic description of the sad demise of Charlotte, a friend of Elizabeth's, and how Charlotte's husband -- the oily preacher, Mr. Collins -- could not bring himself to end her life, but the deed had to be done, and so his mother-in-law stepped in to carry it out. "And of course she had to cut off her head," my mother said matter-of-factly.

Then there was this patch of cauliflowers," she went on -- leaving me little time to wonder who else in my beloved P&P was to be a casualty of the zombies -- "and the zombies thought the cauliflowers were brains, and so a whole bunch of them went to the cauliflower patch." I was a little unclear as to all the details of the cauliflower patch, but the outcome seemed good, as several zombies were caught and -- what? Killed? How does one deal with something already dead? That was a little unclear too.

"I don't mind the parts about cutting off their heads," my sweet mother said. "That doesn't bother me at all. But they're always vomiting! That's just silly."

Clearly, when you get to be her age, you recognize what is of value, and what is not.

"I was going to read another book after I finished the first one," she confessed, "but then I changed my mind. Now I'm just reading my Bible."

From this enlightening exchange I gleaned a little insight of my own. Although listening to the wisdom of your elders is beneficial, try not to do it right before bedtime. You might start dreaming about cauliflower patches.