I recently attended the annual conference run by the organization I work for, which included a large gathering of teachers and vendors and was held in a warm part of the country. As is common in locations with warmer temperatures, the convention center itself is kept at a constant -78 F degrees year round, so that, although you might boast -- which of course you do -- to friends and relatives back in colder climates about being in a warm, sunny locale, you are actually, though you do not mention this, much colder than they are.
Nevertheless, I learned much useful information at this conference, including things about myself that were enlightening. For one, I realized I would cheerfully have committed acts of violence in order to acquire a Segue, which some individuals used to get around the convention center. This violent thought was owing to the size of the convention center, which could comfortably include several car dealerships, airports, medium-size countries, interplanetary bodies, etc., inside it.
Although this expanse enabled the 8000+ participants to move about without bumping into one another -- indeed, without even SEEING one another, except when needing to use the restroom, and then all 8000 were in line at once -- the sheer size of the building overwhelmed our physical resources, particularly our feet. As the days wore on, choosing a session to attend progressed from "Which sessions would help me understand the current critical topics in the field, and allow me to gain knowledge that would help us address our market's needs?" to "Which room is within crawling distance?"
(One area that attracted a great deal of traffic, in addition to the restrooms, was the vendor exhibit area. This was true particularly at the beginning of each day, when there were free gifts involved. Teachers LOVE free gifts. They don't care HOW far they have to walk or how early they have to stand in line to get them, by golly, they are going to get their free gifts.)
But it is not just the convention center that is oversized. Everything in this city appears to be built on the possibility that the entire population of Europe might suddenly, unexpectedly, decide to visit here, all at the same time, needing hotel rooms, meeting space, and a large collection of shopping venues, and the city had better be ready!
Moreover, there seems to be a general feeling among city planners that visitors need to be encouraged to stop and smell the roses. To that end, sidewalks meander through charming gardens and fountains, but they do not actually lead anywhere. If you want to leave Point A and arrive at Point B, you should get a taxi, although even by this manner of transport it is not possible to get to your destination by the most direct route. Roads simply do not go straight. They have been designed to accommodate, perhaps, long victory parades. I can say that you certainly feel like celebrating when you finally do reach your destination.
The perfect landscaping found throughout the city (city motto: "Landscaped to within an Inch of Our Life") engendered some discussion among our group. Despite plentiful trees and bushes, not one leaf clutters the ground. I suspect that there must be people whose full-time job it is to make sure that when a leaf falls, it is immediately whisked away before contaminating the perfectly manicured lawns. "No leaf left behind" seems to be the motto there.
My only regret about the conference is that I was not able to make it to one particular session, titled (seriously) "The Adventures of Captain Underpants." I am sure that, even if this session hadn't been within crawling distance, it would have been worth it. Although maybe I would pass on any free gifts.
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