That cold you feel? Not a wind chill

The National Weather Service is experimenting with a new concept to replace the wind chill factor. For many years, the wind chill has been used to describe certain conditions of cold and wind, particularly when a storm is moving in. The problem with this system, it seems, is that after a storm has passed through an area, the actual temperature may have plummeted, but because the wind has dropped, the wind chill warning expires. This leads people to think, "Cool, no more wind chill. Let's go surfing!"


You can see that this would cause problems in North Dakota and Minnesota, which is where the weather service has chosen to conduct this experiment. This is because the average winter temperature in those states is -400 degrees. (It warms up a few degrees for a day or so each July.)


This is nothing to the people of North Dakota and Minnesota, though. When someone is born in these states, their skin immediately takes on super-insulating properties, allowing them, as they grow, to be impervious to cold. People who are not born in the state, but merely move there at some point, must undergo psychological testing to determine their sanity.


Just kidding! I meant that they do not develop this protective exterior as do individuals native to these states. One example is my mother, who lived in North Dakota for several months with my father on an army base, including the summer months, and she has summed up her stay like this: "It was freezing."


But back to the wind chill. The weather service's idea is that instead of issuing wind chill warnings, it will now issue warnings of "extreme cold."


Extreme cold in North Dakota and Minnesota, according to a meteorologist familiar with the pending change, would kick in around -40 degrees, possibly -45 degrees. At this temperature, he says, "People should make sure they're properly dressed." Like, they should think about wearing a jacket. And maybe some shoes if their feet tend to get cold easily.


Also at -40 degrees there, he says, "kids don't generally go outside to play at recess. There is a general feeling that maybe that's a little cold for them."


Really, the adults are getting quite lax, allowing their kids to be such wimps. Where is that pioneering spirit?


Meanwhile, an extreme cold warning where I live, in the "Middle Atlantic" (which is not, despite its name, located IN the Atlantic), would mean something quite different to people. We, as a group, are a little more delicate than people of the northern plains. In fact, we are so sensitive that such a warning would be issued here whenever it is issued in North Dakota and Minnesota, because merely knowing that it is -40 degrees 1500 miles away would make US feel cold. And we do not like to feel cold.


There is some concern that the new terminology may not go over well with the public. Being used to a wind chill factor, the meteorologist wondered, will people think "extreme cold" is sexy enough?


Given this country's fascination with extreme sports, extreme foods, extreme hair, extreme body piercing, etc., I have no doubt that many people will find the idea of "extreme cold" sexy.


For us in the Middle Atlantic, that will be only if the extreme cold is somewhere else.