Cookie Monster and Martha

In a time when it is becoming fashionable to assault certain food groups -- specifically, everything that tastes good -- it is refreshing to come upon individuals who unapologetically and wholeheartedly enjoy these foods. Like Cookie Monster.

I saw a video segment of Cookie Monster on the set with Martha Stewart as she made Pumpkin Whoopie Pies. Cookie Monster was not so much helping Martha make the cookies as willing her to just get the cookies DONE, like NOW. Whereas Martha was calmly attempting to impart some of her vast Baking Wisdom to a blue fuzzy puppet, as well as to the myriad children in the audience.

"...and now we're adding one teaspoon of salt," Martha would say, showing Cookie Monster the bowl of premeasured salt before dumping it in the mixing bowl.

"Yeah, yeah, salt, how much longer?" he would say impatiently, although not altogether impolitely.

To distract Cookie Monster -- and perhaps because Martha felt an obligation to set a good example for the children present -- Martha tried to steer the conversation away from cookie adoration:

"So, Cookie Monster, we shouldn't eat TOO many cookies, right? Cookies are really yummy, but boys and girls need other foods too."

Cookie Monster looked uncomprehendingly at her for a moment, wondering how this statement could possibly have any relevance for him.Then he recovered. 

"Oh, sure, me eat other things too...fruits, vegetables."

"Oh, so you eat vegetables? That's very good."

"But me no change my name to Brussels Sprouts Monster," he said hastily.

"No, of course not," Martha agreed.

"Me eat cars too...once, me eat whole truck," he said, proud to report this balanced diet to an apparently nutrition-conscious Martha.

"I see," she said, nodding. "So you eat your main foods, and then you gorge on cookies."

"Cookies!" he growled happily, thankful to be back on familiar ground.

Martha continued to add ingredients to the mixing bowl. "Now we eyeball the vanilla," she explained, pouring in what looked like a very generous amount.

"Eyeball? What eyeball mean?" Cookie Monster said suspiciously.

"It means we don't measure it, we just use our eyes to put in how much looks right," she said. Then, noting Cookie Monster's own prominent eyeballs rolling around, she suggested, "YOU would probably want to use a measuring spoon."

Finally the chocolate dough was mixed, and Martha showed it to Cookie Monster.

His gaze into the bowl was reminiscent of new parents gazing at their firstborn in a bassinet. Awe, wonder, longing -- it was all there.

"Put in oven," he commanded.

"We will. First we have to scoop them onto the cookie sheet." Martha carefully, and ever so slowly, measured out each scoop, placing a perfectly shaped ball of dough on the sheet.

Cookie Monster showed great restraint at not falling upon the enticing cookie dough, although he did go so far as to put his blue furry hands on the sheet. Someone probably made him repeat, before the show, "Me will not grab Martha's cookies" 100 times.

"They no need to be perfect," he said, practically drooling at the thought of devouring his beloved cookies.

"Oh, yes, they DO have to be perfect," Martha said.

"No, no," he said. "Trust me. Go in oven now."

"No," she said. "We're going to put them together, so they have to fit perfectly on top of one another."

"Put together? What this mean?"

"To make pumpkin Whoopie pies," she explained patiently.

Cookie Monster looked as if he might want to have a word with his agent, or whoever was responsible for putting him on a show with this madwoman.

"What happened chocolate chip cookies? Me thought we making chocolate chip cookies!"

"And when we return," Martha said brightly to the cameras and ignoring Cookie Monster, "we'll have some lovely pumpkin Whoopie pies to put together."

I did not get to see how it all turned out -- both the cookies and the disagreement -- but presumably Cookie Monster and the kids got some yummy cookies in the end. And Cookie Monster probably started dreaming about his next appearance on Martha's show -- titled "Martha and Cookie Monster Make Chocolate Chip Cookies One Enormous, Gigantic Chocolate Chip Cookie."