Important cooking terms to know (and then forget)

Today we are pleased to bring you some techniques the Princess has been learning in her cooking course. This is a go-at-your-own pace course online, and the Princess has adopted the strategy of that wise old literary character, the tortoise, who has become synonymous with the saying "Slow and steady pretty much guarantees there won't be any food left for you when you get to the finish line."

Chopping Techniques

Rolling technique: maneuvers by which you encourage raw meat to roll over and play dead (when this fails, please see "Hi-ya!" below)

Slash and burn: to roughly chop a given set of vegetables or greens, throw them in the cooking vessel, and promptly ruin them by scorching them

Pivot: to anchor the tip of one's knife with one's palm while deftly using the other hand to move the knife across the food (alternatively: to dance from one foot to the other when this technique has proven to be not quite deft enough and one cuts one's hand)

Dice: to cut foods into evenly sized cubes, poke a varying number of holes in each side, run a string between pairs, and hang them from your rear view mirror

Minced: the result of obsessive, uncontrollable dicing

Chiffonade: to cut a food into such fine pieces that, when they are cooked and added to a dish, no trace whatsoever of them can be found ("I DID put mushrooms in the rice, dear -- see right there?" "That's not a mushroom, it's a proton").

Hi-ya!: as a measure of last resort, to put away the knife and use one's hands to bring the food into submission

Cooking and Preparation Techniques

Refresh: a process whereby greens are rehydrated and reinvigorated by soaking them in a bowl of cold water, gentling massaging them, and offering them Perrier, soothing music, a place to put the feet up, etc. 

Saute: to cook foods at relatively high heat in a great deal of butter (roughly equivalent to 2 sticks). The butter not only adds essential oils but also completely camouflages the natural taste of the food, making this ideal for things like Brussels sprouts, cabbage, raw leather, etc.

Braise: to cook foods in a liquid at low heat for a long time, allowing you to focus on other parts of the dinner, such as watching Iron Chef

Coup d'état (often used with "to score a"): to fail so miserably at bringing together a nutritious, appealing, tasty meal that your spouse suggests going out to dinner instead. (After one has achieved coup d'état, one is considered to have graduated from cooking class -- forever.)

Congratulations! You now know as much as the Princess does about cooking. Possibly more.