This time of year is full of traditions that people eagerly look forward to, such as shopping for themselves when they are supposed to be buying gifts for the friends and loved ones on their list. (Not that this is a tradition I, personally, would ever think of taking part in.) Another such tradition for many people is the cookie exchange, in which you get a lot of wonderful cookies in exchange for donating your Aunt Bessie's fruitcake.
No, no. The purpose of a cookie exchange is to get rid of all those calorie-laden goodies accumulating in your house and bring home even more. But lest you think this is a good way to dispose of all those old Girl Scout cookies that have been slowly hardening into hockey pucks around your house, there's a trick: You must actually bake something to bring to a cookie exchange. That is, if you do not want to be the laughingstock of the event. And please, do not bring those slice-and-bake cookies, either. If you spent 16 hours rolling out homemade gingerbread cookie dough and cutting out minute elves, reindeer, and stockings and frosting and decorating them with every teeny tiny edible decoration ever created, would you be happy if someone else brought something that a golden retriever could make? Not unless you are my husband, who does not discriminate against any cookie based on its origin.
There are formulas for determining how many cookies each person is to bring to a cookie exchange, based on the number of people involved in the exchange. (Some people think it should be based on how many people live in your house, because let's face it, if you have a big family, you're not going to see many of the cookies you bring home.) But the general rule is that each person brings a dozen cookies for each other person in the exchange, so if there are 4 of you, each person would bring 3 dozen cookies (unless you want to bring home a dozen of your own, in which case you would bring...4 dozen), and if there are 6 of you, each would bring 5 dozen (or 6).
If there are 12 of you -- well, perhaps you could all agree to just 2 cookies per person. But chances are that you will not have to worry about such high numbers, because quite frankly, not all that many people are interested in doing a cookie exchange. You'll be lucky if you get 6. In the typical group of coworkers, friends, neighbors, preschool moms, etc., you will have roughly 8 who decline to participate because they are not interested in doing all that work, 5 who bow out because they are on diets, 3 whose family members are allergic to wheat or dairy, and 2 who cannot find their oven and would not know how to operate it if they could find it. This will leave, on average, 4.8 people who are actually interested in doing the exchange.
Although these 4.8 people will happily participate in the event, none will want to organize it. I know, because I have been the person nominated to organize one. At the time I was a new employee in a nonprofit organization, and as generally is the rule when something needs to be done that no one wants to do, I got assigned because I was the new person. Also, it may have had something to do with the fact that I innocently declared, for all to hear, that I had participated in cookie exchanges before and loved them. Note: If you do not want to be volunteered to be the organizer, do not say that you love cookie exchanges. Do not even say that you love cookies. Just keep a low profile, eating Wheat Thins and celery sticks, and when an organizer is appointed and plans are put into motion, THEN say that you would like to participate. Under NO circumstances should you mention that you have won a baking contest in the past (particularly if this is true).
All this talk about cookies has made me hungry. We will now take a break and resume our discussion of cookie exchanges tomorrow.
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