The Gallant Hero and the Escalating War

Boom-boom! Boom! Boom-boom! The noise thumped the castle in rhythmic waves. After a few minutes, the Gallant Hero asked if it was thundering.

The Prissy Princess cocked her head and said, "No, I think the neighbor is playing video games."

The Hero frowned and tried to apply himself to his studies. But the relentless booming would not let him concentrate.

Finally, he said, "I think I'll go play a video game downstairs."

Uh, oh, the Princess thought. The War has begun.

The Hero and The Man in the Neighboring Castle were not enemies. In fact, when there were no noisemaking apparatuses involved, the two were very friendly, often trading tips for making improvements to their respective castles. But The Man (whose own wife describes him as "very loud"), frequently engaged in activities that caused the Hero to abandon his usually placid nature, setting off a War of Ever-Increasing Decibels.

So for the next half hour, the Princess listened as the booming on both sides of the walls grew louder and more terrifying. Suddenly the noise from her basement ceased, and minutes later she heard pounding. The Hero was at his latest castle improvement project, making bookshelves for the castle's library. The pounding drowned out the booming from next door.

A few minutes later she felt the castle shaking a little, and a different booming issued from next door. His video games outnoised, The Man had turned on his AMP7083462 stereo system.

The Hero stopped pounding and turned on his power saw.

The Man turned the bass louder.

Finally, the Hero came upstairs and said to the Prissy Princess, "It's time. Let's bring It out."

The Princess trembled. "Are you sure?" she whispered, totally ineffectively now that the bass from next door had nothing to dull it. She yelled, "Are you sure? Think of the consequences...!"

"We must," the Gallant Hero said soberly. "The time for diplomacy is over. This is war. We must do whatever necessary measures it takes, though harsh."

The Princess did not remember that there had been any time of diplomacy, but maybe she had missed that part.

And so the Hero and the Princess began preparations. She covered the windows with cardboard to protect them should the glass shatter. He tied down the furniture. Finally, they both donned the Thunder HTX37925 Multiple-Position, Head-Encirculating, Total Noise Control Earmuffs.

When they were ready, the Hero brought It out: 70 pounds, 240 amps, 670 decibels of Hoover WindTunnel Supreme Cyclonic Tornadic Upright Vacuum Cleaner. And he turned it on, opposite the wall where the Man's stereo was still thumping.

Even with the Thunder Earmuffs, the vibrations tore through their bodies. The Hero left the WindTunnel on for only the minimum time needed; to do more would be irresponsible.

When the Hero turned It off, there were no further sounds from the castle next door.

The Hero shook his head grimly, knowing he had done the only thing he could have. The Princess began to remove the cardboard from the windows. At least this time, nothing had shattered.

Epilogue: Sometime later, in a totally unrelated development, the castle next door went up for sale. At least, the Hero and the Princess are pretty sure it is unrelated.