Hair affair

Occasionally while growing up I was one of those kids other kids hate: a Good Example. I remember being held up as a Good Example of writing, in third grade, and of good conduct, in fifth grade. (As a note of disclosure, I was never, in all my 13+ years of schooling, used as a Good Example of math.) But imagine my surprise when I was recently used as a Bad Example.

Not in school. Not by a teacher. By my hair stylist.

I do not happen to be in a service profession, but I'm betting that one thing people who are in service professions do NOT learn is this: To attract and retain customers, use them as a Bad Example. But that is apparently what my hair stylist has been doing, unbeknownst to me.

She imparted this bit of information as she was whacking off my winter hair in preparation for the summer months. Casually, she said, "I've been telling my other clients about you."

Really? I thought. Wow. I wonder what about. My silky hair? My smooth skin? My blog?

"Yeah," she continued, "I tell them, 'You know, I have this one client who yanks out her gray hairs, and every time I cut her hair she's got all this stubble on top.' "

Really? I thought. Wow. And did you also tell them that the first time you noticed it you were convinced that I was on some kind of medication that was making my hair fall out, and you kept pestering me about it until I told you the truth?

She has been after me for months about not yanking out my gray hairs. But actually it's not the ones I yank that are the problem; it's the ones that are too short to yank and that undergo a surgical procedure involving scissors to remove them. Actually they blend in quite nicely until she goes and hacks off the rest of my hair, and then they stand up like, well, stubble.

With a haircut and color costing approximately a mortgage payment these days, is it any wonder I take matters into my own hands between hair appointments?

But certainly I never expected that my little secret would go any further. I thought things you told your stylist -- or she discovered for herself -- were kind of like things you discuss with a lawyer, or minister. They just shouldn't go any further. If this isn't the case, they really should make you sign a waiver at the salon, just so you're prepared for the consequences:

"I, being of relatively sound mind (except when it comes to the matter of gray hairs), understand that if I commit an Act of Hair Misconduct, or in any way do show blatant disregard for the natural behavior and needs of my hair or for the diligent labors of my stylist, that I thereby forfeit my right to have such Acts of Hair Misconduct remain private and do consent to being used as a Bad Example so that others may be duly warned of the consequences of participating in such behavior."

But no such waiver was given to me, and now I must live with the shame of not only having stubble on top of my head but also of having complete strangers who have never met me know why. Whenever they come to the salon, they probably look around furtively, half hoping and half dreading to see me lurking there. My stylist has no doubt painted quite a gruesome picture of me. Like children who are warned that a monster will come and bite off their thumb if they keep sucking it, her other clients don't dare raise their fingers to their hair with the intent of yanking any of it.

Which must make her smile, if it results in people paying her more often to take their gray away. I might be a Bad Example, but I am Good for Business.