Airplane traveler's prayer

Oh, Lord, when I find myself unable to sit next to my husband on the plane, and the plane is moving wildly about due to Your mighty winds, and I feel my fear begin to rise, please do not let me accidentally grab the arms of the nice gentlemen seated on either side of me. And if in my weakness and fear I begin to doze, please do not let me begin to droop onto the shoulder of one of these strangers, and slide, like a melting Popsicle, down onto the stranger's lap. If I do, please let him not notice.

Lord, watch over my husband, who is sitting in a different row. In particular, do not let there be a SkyMall magazine in his seat pocket. You know the temptations it presents to him -- the Chair Valet, the Pant Trolley, the Hula Chair. If in Your wisdom You see fit to allow a magazine to be in front of him, please keep him from its powers of suggestions. Give him the strength to ignore the lures of this tool of evil, and to use it only as a flotation device in the unlikely event of a water landing.

Oh, Lord, You are the provider of all things, and You desire that we not be concerned with material possessions. Nevertheless, please let my luggage be on this flight. Unlike the other passengers, whose carry-on luggage bulges with material possessions, all the underwear I own is in my checked suitcase. Please let it arrive in a timely manner at the luggage carousel, and let not any of my material possessions have escaped through the misdeeds of man.

I freely confess my great wrong in consuming enormous amounts of Diet Coke before embarking, and also in failing to visit the restroom in the terminal. You know, Lord (for You know everything, including, as the psalmist said, my downsitting and my uprising, though perhaps he was not referring specifically to the restroom), that I have vowed to never use the restroom on an airplane. Only Your great power can keep me from breaking this vow now. Above all, keep me from accepting another Diet Coke from the beverage cart.

Though this plane be small in Your sight, let it arrive safely at its destination, preferably with all of its passengers. Our times are all in Your hand, and I pray that the pilot's time to meet You would be some other day, when I am not on his plane. There are yet many destinations here on earth to be explored, and -- should my luggage indeed arrive unscathed -- much new underwear to be worn.

Amen.