We have seen the future, and it is lawn darts

Every now and then Joe and I get a glimpse of what life will be like for us as old people, assuming we make it that far and it is still fashionable to have old people around, and the rest of society does not feel like they have to help us into our next, permanent, residence.

Sometimes these glimpses occur when our church goes to sing for nursing home residents. We do this to provide the residents some quiet, uplifting moments, which may or may not include napping.

Although many of the residents are hard of hearing, they have developed ingenious ways of communicating with one another. One gentleman, in particular, uses a system of readily understood hand gestures to get his point across. One -- a circular motion to the side of his head -- clearly indicates: I strongly feel that you are not in possession of your complete mental faculties at this time. Or perhaps ever. Another short gesture eloquently expresses this message: Touch the volume on the TV again and you will never leave this room alive. Such gestures are a charming backdrop for our singing of such favorites as "Amazing Grace."

There are large calendars placed strategically throughout the facility, so that if, say, you head to the activity room to do a puzzle but you have a habit of forgetting where you are headed and why, you can just look at the calendars all along the way as a reminder. "Oh, right," you say, "I'm going to go do a puzzle." In my case, I might also say to myself, "If I'm walking all this way, I sure hope I like puzzles."

One such calendar stood in front of us as we sang in a particular corridor. With mild curiosity we read over the events planned for the month.

"If we stick around 'til 3:30, we can watch an Elvis movie," Joe whispered.

"I'm coming back at 10:30 tomorrow," I whispered back. "Music and massage."

There were many other events listed for January. Pet visits. Various movies whose actors are all long dead. Lawn darts.

Lawn darts? In January? At a nursing home?

We thought of the gentleman with the hand gestures, and made a note to be far, far away on Lawn Dart Day.