Canyon Dust vs. Go-Go Green

It is a truth universally acknowledged that, out of the approximately 13,874 paint colors known to man (whose name is Benjamin Moore), two spouses, of sound mind and living otherwise harmoniously together in the same dwelling, will be able to agree on: exactly none of them.

One spouse will insist on Fun Colors, defined roughly as anything not Brown, Beige, or White. The other will believe that Heaven itself is filled with shades of Brown, Beige, and White -- although this belief is not based on a strict interpretation of the Bible -- and that their little slice of heaven here on earth should mirror the greater.

These paint preferences are notoriously difficult to change, although it does happen (a documented case occurred on January 16, 1932, in Ketchum, Idaho, where a man finally agreed to let his wife paint the kitchen Wild Manzanita, with the stipulation that she wait until after his death). But do not think you can trick your spouse into believing that a color is fun when in fact it is not. I tried to elicit Joe's support for Muddlement, a color that I hoped might pass for pumpkin -- which he tolerates because it exists in a no-man's land between Fun Colors and Unfun Colors -- but that was, basically, brown. I did not mention this fact.

"How about this one?" I said. "It's sort of pumpkin-y."

He peered at it. "That's brown," he said. "Nice try."

The statistics on wallpaper agreement are even more dismal, if possible. Friends of ours clashed so vehemently over wallpaper samples that the saleswoman grew alarmed, believing a dissolution of their marriage would take place right there in the store.

Although the marriage is still thriving, they have never yet had wallpaper in their home.

*Note: All names of paint colors mentioned in this post are actual -- no whitewashing of the truth HERE -- although I cannot claim acquaintance with anyone who has personally used them.