According to airline surveys located in the seat pocket in front of you, fewer than -.0001% of airplane passengers listen to the pre-flight safety instructions recited by flight attendants, although most manage to catch the important parts, such as "WATER LANDING," "PEANUTS WILL BE SERVED," "SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE OTHERS," etc. But I encourage people to pay attention to these instructions because, in the unlikely event of an emergency, they may just save your life. Alternatively, they can make you more confused, as happened on a recent flight.
"In the event of a water landing," our Doom Announcer on Flight 903 intoned, "a flotation device is located under you, or..." -- here she paused slightly, as if uncertain that this was, in fact, true 100% of the time, and appeared to decide that she could not make that claim -- "...somewhere around you," she finished, with more confidence.
This left the passengers -- the -0001% who were listening -- to wonder what "around us" might be masquerading as a flotation device. A pillow? a blanket? the SkyMall magazine? the passenger next to us?
The Doom Announcer went on. "If an emergency becomes necessary, please use the nearest exit to leave the plane."
I'm sure that it is a not an easy thing for the crew to determine whether a particular emergency is necessary. I imagined the pilots discussing some event at 33,000 feet, such as a possible water landing due to engine failure, and attempting to diagnose the necessity of it:
Pilot 1: "Well, Ernie, what do you think? Is this emergency necessary?"
Pilot 2: "Gee, Fred, it's hard to say. (peers at instrument panel, on which every light is blinking frantically) I just have to go with my gut feeling here, and I don't think this emergency has reached the necessary stage yet. Besides, we don't want to scare the passengers unnecessarily."
We were then instructed by the Doom Announcer that, should we have to exit the plane due to a necessary emergency, we should "move away from the plane and not look back." Images of Lot's wife turning to a pillar of salt for this very offense immediately filled my mind, and I vowed silently that, should a necessary emergency force me to evacuate the plane, I would not look back.
Except maybe to find my flotation device, if I ever figured out what it was.
3 comments:
So, what happens in the event of an unnecessary emergency? Do those passengers who were paying attention decline to exit the aircraft? And what if people disagree as to whether or not the emergency is necessary or necessary? Good grief, you have given me even more to worry about while flying!
(I meant "necessary or UNnecessary!)
It has been our pleasure to increase your flying-related worries. We hope you choose our airline again!
Post a Comment