How may I not help you?

Employees are constantly dealing with interruptions in the workplace, such as phone calls from fellow employees wanting to know where some tardy project is, e-mails from fellow employees wanting to know where some tardy project is, and bosses who feel that playing Internet paintball is not an appropriate use of worktime.

In our case we also deal with interruptions at the front door, mainly involving individuals who think they are in one place when they are someplace else entirely, and having to convince them of this fact in a timely manner so that we can get back to the important work we were doing before we were interrupted, namely Internet paintball. Since we do not have a receptionist, it is up to us common workers to answer these inquiries and, when possible, make the individuals feel very guilty for interrupting our important work and convince them to never bother us again.

For instance, people are constantly confusing our address -- 10011001010 -- with the address across the street -- 10011001011 -- and stopping to ask us where 10011001011 is, and are we sure we are not 100110010011, because they cannot find it, and where is it? They look suspiciously at us when we say no, we are not 10011001011, we are 10011001010, and they look past us into the office, as if suspecting that somewhere within its depths we are harboring 10011001011, and that we are deliberately keeping this information from them.

On top of it, the address these individuals are looking for houses administrative hearing offices, so it is likely that at least some of them are a little disgruntled at whatever conditions led to them having a hearing, and the last thing we need are lost, disgruntled individuals knocking at our door and having to tell them no, this is not the place you are looking for.

Although we sympathize with these people, our sympathy has become noticeably less sympathetic with each person who comes to the door with this dilemma. The minute we hear "Is this --" we just point across the street.

However, we still have a soft spot for certain individuals, such as sweet old people who come to the door practically in tears because they have been driving around for an hour trying to find this other address, and they don't know where it is, and all the addresses look alike, what with all those 0s and 1s, and they are late for their appointment, and it is almost lunchtime and they are hungry, and they have to take their lunchtime pills, and they have been driving around for so long that they can't remember what they are even looking for anymore, and on top of everything now they have to go to the bathroom.

In these situations all 14 of us crowd around the door, trying to cheer the discouraged party, pointing out the exact driveway where they need to be, and all but carrying them across the street and into the building.

Not everyone who comes to our building is looking for 10011001011. Some are looking for naive persons to buy their wrapping paper, or furniture, or whatever else they say they are selling at a remarkable price just for us. And so we are preparing a sign to place on the door, which we hope will limit the number of interruptions from all of these individuals, in a tactful, business-appropriate way, of course:

1. This address is 10011001010. If you are looking for 10011001011, you are in the wrong place. Try across the street.
2. We repeat: This is NOT 10011001011.
3. If you are selling something, we do not want to buy it.
4. If you are here to service the vending machine, we love you.
5. No, we do not want to look at the furniture in the back of your truck.
   
6. This is STILL not 10011001011.

P.S. Have a nice day.