Maryland by the numbers

According to recent U.S. Census data, our great state of Maryland -- that repository of history, seafood, and high humidity -- is the richest state in the country. Not only that, just across the river from our home, where we frequently engage in meaningful activities, is one of the richest counties in the nation. Surrounded by all this wealth, you might wonder, as we do: How come we don't have more of it?

Unfortunately, although the figures for poverty rates are not out yet, Maryland typically also has one of the highest poverty rates. This may appear somewhat contradictory, but mainly this finding is due to the fact that we like to be Number 1 in everything, even if it's negative.

But a little-known fact, which the report fails to mention, is that the people in the rich category and the people in the poverty category are actually the same people. I know this for a fact, because not too long ago we were -- though maybe not quite in the rich category -- at least doing comfortably, even planning some fun things to do to the house, when boom! the roof, toilet, attic, windows, and all other nailed-down components of our home all conspired against us and went on strike at the same time. If the census had been carried out at this point, it probably would have categorized us as Eligible for Utility Aid.

The census report contains other fascinating information. Maryland, for instance, has the second-longest average commute in the country: 31.5 minutes. If you look at the state on a map you might wonder why this is true, as some cities have zoos that are bigger than the whole state of Maryland. But the longer commute times are actually due to a state law that requires all workers to live on the opposite end of the state from where they work, and a certain percentage of them must work in another state, and those people must live at least 72 miles from the border of the state wherein they work. In fact, most commuters driving through Maryland on a daily basis do not actually live in Maryland.

Personally I would LOVE to have just a 31.5-minute commute. Most people I know around here spend far longer getting to or from work. It is not uncommon to spend 31.5 minutes just getting through one stoplight.

New Yorkers are the only ones with a longer average commute than we Marylanders, but just barely: 31.6 minutes. The report does not say, but that extra .1 minute New Yorkers spend commuting is perhaps due to their fondness for a certain friendly hand gesture while driving, or while engaging in other commute-related activities, such as finding a seat on the subway.

The report says that 36 percent of our state's residents have never been married. Unfortunately for the state's single female population, only .0001 percent of this number are male, and most of those are planning an out-of-state move very soon. I know this because a co-worker, who is single and female, has met nearly every other single person in the state and declares there are no eligible males in Maryland.

So putting all this data together, we get a good picture of the average Marylander: well-off (or poor), married (or a single female), and spends more time commuting than sleeping, although in some cases these activities are combined. Which could explain a lot.