Fun makes a (limited) return

When I started working at my current place of employment, the ratio of fun activities to actual work was quite high, but over the last couple of years it has begun to slide alarmingly in favor of more actual work. To address this trend, a new Activities Committee has been formed. We have been reassured that the old Activities Committee has not been overthrown; they have merely retired, but whether this retirement was voluntary was unclear.

The all-new calendar of fun began yesterday with Pi Day, which of course should be celebrated on 3/14, but since that was a Sunday, we all agreed to overlook the irregularity of having it on Monday, 3/15. The celebration began at exactly 3:14 p.m. The object of Pi Day is to honor pi (and, by extension, all of math) by consuming large quantities of pie, and this we did enthusiastically. There was even a gluten-free cherry pie, some of which I took home to Joe so that he could honor pi too. In a reverent manner, of course.

The most radical proposal by the committee is for the month of May, which has been declared No Fun Month by committee members. All fun activities will be banned for the month, ostensibly because surveys showed that employees believe that having organized fun once a month is "too often." To add greater insult, No Fun Month follows April, in which the only fun activities scheduled are Earth Day ("Hug a tree!") and Spring Cleaning Day, which involves forced labor thinly disguised as something enjoyable.

In an effort to add some social consciousness to our fun, the committee has proposed a "smattering of social responsibility" throughout the year. We therefore will be holding Blood Donor Day. Someone apparently figured that we are not giving enough of our blood to the cause of work, and wants to squeeze out whatever few drops are left.

Amazingly, we will be celebrating Sandwich Day in November not by eating, but by making sandwiches and bringing in other food to donate to area food banks. Although we support these efforts to help others, we are all fervently hoping that this policy of donation rather than consumption will not apply to National Ice Cream Day.

In the past we have offset our philanthropic efforts by personally consuming huge amounts of food during a staff Thanksgiving celebration. This year we are having something called the "Turkey Trot" the week before Thanksgiving, and we are promised "food, lots of food, and who knows what else?" Lots of cots, hopefully.

For December we anticipate an All-New Holiday Extravaganza, which presumably will replace the traditional Very Expensive Holiday Extravaganza of the previous few years. No details have been forthcoming, but I am picturing perhaps a midday meal where employees who are interested in some holiday cheer at the office will gather in the break room to trade bag lunches with one another, take turns throwing their money away in an attempt to wrench a soda from the stingy soda machine, and then go back to eat at their desks. If there is no budget for decorations, we will be forced to use what we have on hand, which consists mainly of plastic flowers and yards of 4th of July garland.

In January we can look forward to Re-Gifting Day, in which we will all bring in gifts that were lovingly bestowed on us by friends and loved ones at Christmas, and trade them for gifts that were lovingly bestowed on someone else by THEIR friends and loved ones.

The Activities Committee is also offering us an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime "opportunity for world domination" by participating in Wii games in honor of Video Game Day. As I have shown a remarkable disinterest in achieving world domination, I just hope they also serve some food.