A Bowl of our own making

In the spirit of Super Bowl season, today we present a short but exciting account of our own personal playoffs that we have been involved in lately: choosing the winning refrigerator and stove to grace our kitchen.


We didn't exactly set out to be in this game, much preferring to chase down, say, an antique chair or a new stereo system than to learn the intricacies of Sixth Sense temperature management refrigerator systems. But with the right coach, and a little luck, even underdogs like us can sometimes come out on top... 


Pre-season warmup: We agree that we need a new stove and refrigerator, and that we should research them. 


Regular season: During the next several months we make zero progress toward our goal, and many fans, including ourselves, question our commitment. Then, spurred on by grave injuries among our rivals -- frequent leaks inside the refrigerator, frequent blowing out of the pilot light on the stove -- we surge ahead in our determination to finally win this thing. 


The Playoffs: Unfortunately our skill rarely matches our determination, and our form is sloppy. We go after the bottom-freezer fridge. But we can't make it work, and we go back to the time-tested. traditional top freezer. We try a long-distance, online coach, but although she is helpful, she can't devote the amount of time we need to training. Again our goals languish, but somehow we still make it to the... 


Appliance Bowl
First quarter: We actually go to the store, where we promptly make a fumble, realizing that we have no idea of the dimensions of our current refrigerator and have consequently no idea what dimensions the new one should be. No first down.


Second quarter: We return to the store, armed with our stats. Ray becomes our coach by default, as he is the only one in the refrigerator section. He is very hands-off, respecting our technique of blindly going from one fridge to the next, trying to score a win. No doubt Ray suspects we should have stayed in the minors, but is too polite to say so.


Third quarter: We are dumped by Ray, probably because we cannot seem to settle on a winning strategy and because he can make far more money with other players. Our new coach, Annie, delivers instructions and encouragement from the sidelines as we make our way through the baffling array of appliances ("Remember, you're after the convection ovens. Go right. No, not that deep! Now you're into the no-warming drawer ovens. That's not where you want to be"). No matter how confused we get, or how tired we are of looking at stoves that all look the same after a while, Annie encourages us to go back in. 


Brief time-out: We huddle to consider suggesting that Annie pursue a different line of work, such as slave-driving, but we decide that she really does have our best interests at heart. Plus her commission.


Fourth quarter: The clock is winding down. In a burst of energy and blind luck, we score a touchdown on a refrigerator, mainly because it is the only one that will fit in our small space. Fueled by this success, we zero in on two stove choices. But with a minute to go, we choke. We cannot agree on a play. The stove with a warming drawer but burner choices I don't like, or the stove without the warming drawer and better burner choices?


Overtime: Exhausted by these last-minute challenges, we decide to regroup and come back in a few days.


Luckily, Annie promises that she'll be there for us. Of course, she has invested too much in us to let go now.


Will there be a win?? We certainly hope so. If not, we'll undoubtedly get sent back to the minors to cook over a fire pit. Stay tuned.