No reservations

It is time once again for a friendly letter to our Homeowner's Association (HOA), whose function is to watch out for its members by pointing out things that they are doing wrong. (According to the HOA, this is pretty much everything.)


Dear Homeowner's Association,


Congratulations on once again taking a system that seemed to work pretty well for most of us, and changing it so that it works well for...almost none of us. I am referring to your recent tragic discovery in the by-laws (hereafter referred to as "Those Darned By-laws") that we are NOT allowed to have assigned parking spaces. As you are well aware, we have had assigned parking spaces for a very long time. Generations of homeowners have used these reserved spots for their cars, and before that, for their horses. Occasionally, they have also used them for piles of firewood, which comes in handy for burning Those Darned By-laws. (I'm sorry, was that out loud?)


First of all, why are you even looking in Those Darned By-laws? We elected you with the understanding that you, like the rest of us, had never and would never peek inside them unless the outcome was seriously in the favor of homeowners (such as, maybe, "Every other year, HOA dues shall be reduced by 10%, until they reach the point where the homeowners are RECEIVING money rather than paying it").


For most of us these previously reserved spots were very handy, being located in front of or near our respective residences. But now, we are gravely concerned that we may be required to park as far away as TWO additional houses and trudge, with all our groceries and potting soil and firewood, to our homes. 


And what's more, your new policy that parking is on a first-come, first-served basis has had the chilling effect of turning us into greedy individuals who, previously, would have generously left our reserved spot open for other individuals in our household (spouse, cat, parakeet, etc.). But now, if we see it open, we swoop in there ourselves with little regard for whether our loved ones will have to park somewhere in the next municipality.


We are afraid that in time, this new ruling will unravel the very fabric of our community and erode the freedoms that we have so earnestly strived for. I mean, what will be next? Will Those Darned By-laws be suddenly found to decree that we have no reserved space on our property for our trash cans, and that we must stand with them outside on trash day and HAND them to the garbage men? 


For your own safety, we recommend that you back away from Those Darned By-laws NOW, and hand them over. And then, please excuse us...we need to get some extra firewood.


Sincerely yours,
Concerned but Determined Homeowners


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Apropos of nothing, we have discovered that there is an organization called the National Association of Pediatric Nurse Practitioners, whose name not entirely accurately but very conveniently abbreviates to the acronym NAPNAP. We believe we should like to work for a place called NAPNAP; more importantly, we should like to work for a place in which one can take napnaps during the work day and not get in trouble.