What's taking so long?

A friend recently asked what had been the hardest adjustment for me when I got married. I had to really think, and it made me wonder what Joe thought his hardest adjustment was. So I did a dumb thing. I asked him.

See, this is one of those myriad differences between men and women. Men don't think of these issues, let alone ask their wives about them. But we women just have to know everything. We think, mistakenly, that it will make us happier, more connected to our spouses, if we know what they are really thinking deep down inside. Most of the time, we find out that they are thinking, "How can I get out of this conversation?"

But he surprised me by answering my query without hesitation. "I could do things a lot faster before we were married."

"What?" I said. Of course, I'd been hoping that he would say there hadn't been any adjustments.

"Like going to bed!" he said. "When I'm tired, I just go to bed. But you have, like, 40 million things you have to do first, and it takes you two hours." He faked snoring to emphasize how this process affected him.

"Oh, please," I said. "It doesn't take me that long."

"Or like, whenever I would go somewhere, before, I could just go. But now we have to load up the cooler with water and snacks, you have to change what you're wearing, empty your purse and fill it back up again, take something out of the dryer, close all the curtains...it takes forever!"

"But that gives you time to practice your guitar!" I said brightly, trying to shift the spotlight off myself.

"And I can't just eat dinner over the sink and pray standing up. I have to sit down to pray and eat, and have long conversations! Dinner takes like, what, three hours?"

The list went on, but I could think of only one thing: How do I get out of this conversation?