An entrepreneurial idea

We are not pet people. Basically we are too lazy and selfish to have pets. If someone would only invent, say, a dog that required very little upkeep, could clean up all its hair, poop, etc. -- or better yet, refrain from engaging in such activities altogether -- and manage its own exercise and social schedule, THEN we might think about getting a pet. This pet would pretty much resemble a vacuum cleaner, but with fur.

We had, in fact, been holding out for the day when someone would invent an Astro, the robot dog on The Jetsons. I have always been bitterly disappointed that our world, so far, does not remotely resemble the world of the Jetsons. I used to think, when I watched that show, that that's how life would be when I grew up. Everyone would be whizzing through the air in cute little airships. A robot maid would clean and make your bed for you. A robot dog would take care of itself and clean up after itself (or the maid would do it).

But if things keep going the way they are, with actual, non-robot pets being so pampered, we may not have to wait for an Astro to get the kind of pet we want: no maintenance, all fun.

I say this because in addition to professional dog walkers, there are now people who will, for a fee, come to your yard and scoop up your pet's, um, organic deposits. One such individual I have heard about recently is known as Miss Poop, no doubt so named because it is more catchy than, say, Miss Organic Deposit.

We see a great deal of promise in this development. All we need are a few more pet-minded entrepreneurs, and all our objections to owning a pet will disappear. We can outsource everything.

"It doesn't even have to live here," Joe suggested. "Someone else would keep our pet at their house, and we could call up every once in while and say, 'Hello, Mrs. Hoover-Smith, we'd like to come over and see Rusty for a few minutes...no, no need to bring him over here. We won't be long."

From this idea we progressed to the thought of a boarding school for pets, which would provide us the warm, fuzzy feelings of being pet owners without any of the daily responsibility. Our pet would stay at school most of the time, and the staff would send occasional updates on its progress and emotional development ("He's a great favorite with the girls, and is beginning to show some promise in swing dance"). These notes would be personalized with a wet paw and signed Love, Rusty.

When our pet came home on vacation, we would keep it busy with camps, doggy play dates, trips to the doggy spa (with a special reserved time in the therapeutic pool) -- all arranged and taken care of by a Pet Social Manager -- and we would hardly be inconvenienced at all. During one of these school holidays, we would have our annual Christmas photo taken, because the cuteness factor of this photo would be much enhanced with a pet.

So, if anyone is thinking about starting a pet boarding school, please let us know. In the meantime, we'll watch some reruns of The Jetsons.