Is that a hint?

Wives throughout history have been dropping hints to their husbands whenever they want a particular gift for an occasion. And wives throughout history have been disappointed at what they actually get. Yet we keep on hinting, thinking SOMEDAY it will click. Secretly we believe that, ideally, we would not even have to drop a hint when we want something. We would just have a random thought -- "Gee, I think I might like a new Coach purse" -- and voila! in a couple of days or so a Coach purse would mysteriously show up at our house in a beautifully wrapped box, with our name on it.

But instead of a Coach purse, we find ourselves trying to express enthusiasm for the Automatic Soy Milk Maker we receive. Note to husbands: If we want an Automatic Soy Milk Maker, we will just go buy one. No woman in history has ever hinted for an Automatic Soy Milk Maker.

I personally have always viewed the hint method as an invitation to disappointment, and much prefer my family's way of asking for gifts. Nothing is left to chance or whim with them. We write up very detailed wish lists for Christmas and other occasions involving gifts ("Winston Lidded Baskets at Pottery Barn, between Sephora and The Barbie Shop at the mall. Park at Macy's and proceed through the store to the mall, then turn left at....").

In my family we are also very careful not to make too many favorable comments about an item owned by another family member, lest that person take the comments as hints that we want a similar item. We used to make innocent comments of appreciation about, say, a family member's new Timberland Outdoor Adventure Moon Rover Boots, oohing and aahing over the leather, the stitching, and the cool look, and without warning the following Christmas a pair in our size would wind up under the tree. Now when one of us gets something new and cool, the rest of us merely look at it and say, "Hmm-mm."

Joe, although appreciative of not having any vague hints thrown his way that he must guess the meaning of, was at first a little taken aback at my family's direct approach to gift-seeking. "There's no surprise the way your family does gifts," he said.

"That's the point," I said.

But Joe is not fooled into thinking I will never hint for something. I am a woman, after all. So, following the advice of his male friends and co-workers ("ALL women hint. If she says she's not hinting, she's hinting"), he is alert to any comment that might possibly be construed as a hint. I told him one day after going to the grocery store that I had seen the butcher, who is always very helpful, in the floral department buying some flowers for someone special. This story seemed to Joe to have no point -- and there must be SOME point, or why would I be telling it -- and I said that I simply thought it was sweet of the butcher to buy flowers for someone. Suddenly Joe said, "I get it! You'd like me to get YOU some flowers!"

The thought had actually not crossed my mind at all, having learned to be much more direct when I do want something. But maybe there is some hope for this hinting thing after all.