A time-honored remedy for distress

Employees in every industry are feeling the stress of these difficult times. Our department is no exception, except that it is all female, which means that although we may not necessarily feel more stress than males, we do feel the complete freedom to express it, mainly in ways that involve consuming large amounts of carbohydrates and sugar. This is best done, of course, as a group, and preferably at an establishment offsite, where we can better process our stressful feelings.

We were frantic with worry one day over our manager's failure to show up at work, and after a period of trying to locate her -- through other employees, her friends, missing persons bureau, the FBI, Army Rangers, etc. -- we finally decided that the only practical solution was to all go to lunch and talk through our worry over pasta and garlic bread. When we came back from lunch we had an e-mail from her, indicating that she had been safely ensconced in her living room all this time and had merely neglected to tell us she would not be in. Our relief was so great we almost went out to Starbucks for celebratory beverages.

Once again we find ourselves in the midst of a great crisis. That same manager, over whom we agonized while ingesting hundreds of yummy Italian calories, has left our department, left our company, left us alone with our grief. At first we could not comprehend how we would carry on after this great void, and then we remembered our favorite Asian restaurant, with its sweet and sour chicken, spring rolls, Malaysian Chicken Chow Fun, and Chef Liu's Vegetables in Soothing Lettuce Wrap. Though we know that the way back to happiness and normalcy will be difficult, gradually we will climb out of the abyss, noodle by Double Pan Fried Noodle.