Further gestures of love and ridicule

Today we continue our look at suggestions for showing gestures of affection to your loved one, or at least finding reasons not to follow the suggestions.

The next Gestures of Love card said to wash your partner's car. "Can't do that one," I said. We have been strongly encouraged not to wash our cars in our parking area, lest all the soap wash into the waterways and destroy the ecosystem as we know it.

"Too bad," Joe said, sounding not the least bit disappointed.

"But it also says to clean the inside of the car," I noted, giving him a significant glance. That was another card, Give each other significant glances. It meant in public, but I figured a private one couldn't hurt.

"I'm gonna take a wild guess," he said. "None of these ideas were written by a guy."

That was probably true. But, I maintained, the card suggesting leave a trail of clothes for the other to find when he/she gets home was totally a guy's idea. If a woman walks into the house at the end of a tiring day and sees clothes all over the floor, she is going to yell the romantic words "Why are your clothes all over the floor?! Get out here and clean this mess up!" Which would kind of ruin the whole thing.

We moved on. "Take an afternoon nap," Joe read from the next card. "Finally, one we can do."

"But it says to nap outdoors," I said disdainfully. "As if I'm gonna get on a blanket on the ground with all those bugs."

Give a foot massage, advised another card. We looked at each other, looked at our feet.

"Next," I said.

"Create your own body language," he said. "It says to create a secret body language to communicate when you're in public. Like tugging an ear to mean 'I love you.' "

This he supported enthusiastically. It has always been his wish that we could communicate silently, without gestures even, like through some sort of ESP. He was disappointed to learn, early in our marriage, that I did not already possess this capability and was generally unable to divine what he was thinking at any particular moment, unless we were in the middle of the Tools section at Home Depot.

"I thought women knew these things," he said.

"Sorry," I said.

"That's okay," he said. "I'm still working on telling your Thinking Face from your Pouty Face."

We were halfway through the box of cards. "Is there one that says Go clothes shopping?" I said hopefully. "It's important to show love to yourself, too. That would be a great gesture of love to myself."

"Or Spend an unlimited period of time (and money) at Home Depot," Joe said.

"Maybe showing love to yourself isn't that important," I said hastily.

We decided to put the rest of the cards away for another day. And then, in a supreme gesture of love, I said sweetly, "It's your turn to wash the dishes."