Kids really 'R us

Our grocery store, having completed a renovation that lasted approximately 27 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days, during which time even the non-perishables started perishing because no one could find anything, apparently wants to make sure that it will have customers in the future. It has implemented new services aimed at a particular subgroup of customers: those who are less than 3 feet high.

First there are the carts. The regular carts have shrunk to miniature size and, lest adult shoppers not be able to see them careening through the aisles, a pole is attached to each cart with a flag proclaiming: Customer in Training.

This has introduced kids to a privilege previously reserved for grownups: impulse purchasing. Items that appeal to them are thoughtfully placed on the lowest shelves so that they do not need to bother Mom or Dad to get them. But this does have a side benefit for parents. It offers a great exercise opportunity as they run back through the store returning everything the child put in the cart.

Kids are also learning the importance of caring for one's vehicle. One young boy temporarily stopped traffic in front of the registers to adjust the flag on his cart so it could point just the right way. The father tried to assured him this wasn't necessary. He got a withering glance from his son.

"It's s'posed to go THIS way," the child said firmly.

"David, David," the father moaned as he buried his head in his hands. No doubt he was suddenly realizing why the mother had been so insistent that HE go to the grocery store this time.

But sometimes the novelty of the tiny cart lasts only a few aisles, and it is forgotten in favor of some new attraction. One mother came around the corner pushing her child's cart, bent over painfully to reach it, while the toddler followed along behind, oblivious to the abandonment of his duties. A whole generation of parents will need chiropractic services in a few years, their backs permanently bent in a U from pushing grocery carts abandoned by their progeny.

When kids tire of pushing their carts, they can learn how to use the new handheld scanners. One father held out a bag of carrots to his daughter, and the girl started wildly scanning everything in sight -- the grocery cart, the shopping bags, nearby shoppers, etc. -- everything except the bag of carrots. The father frantically waved the carrots around, trying in vain to catch the laser beam at some point in the air.

I would bet that the net time parents are spending in the grocery store has increased since the advent of tiny carts and handheld scanners. I know MY time has. But it sure is more entertaining.