The truth about couches

Today we continue with the topic of couches. This common household item is surprisingly misunderstood, particularly by married males, and today we would like to explore some of these fallacies and set these poor, misguided souls straight.

Common (Male) Fallacies Regarding Couches

1. Fallacy: The main function of a couch is to provide a wide-open space upon which to stretch out your frame unhindered for a nice, long (preferably winter's) nap, particularly if your spouse has a long list of things for you to accomplish.

Truth: The couch is for holding stacks of library books, cradling multitudinous decorative pillows that have no function whatsoever, housing clean laundry that needs to be put away, and temporarily storing extra family members or friends or pets. If the couch is not currently being used in any of these capacities, it will be soon, and should therefore not be considered "available."

2. Fallacy: If you nap on the couch long enough, your list of chores will mysteriously disappear.

Truth: The length of the list of chores is proportional to the amount of time spent on the couch.

3. Fallacy: It is okay to leave the pillows in disarray after sitting on the couch. After all, your comfort is the most important thing.

Truth: Those ducks who provided the feather stuffing for the pillows? No one cared about THEIR comfort.

4. Fallacy: Couches are for actually sitting on.

Truth: That is the reason your wife purchased a soft rug for the floor.

5. Fallacy: Both ends of the couch are exactly alike, and therefore it does not matter which end you sit on to watch TV and which end you leave open for your spouse to sit on.

Truth: Your spouse invariably has a favorite end, and it is in your best interest to determine which end this is, and to seat yourself on the other end, even if both ends seem exactly alike to you.

6. Fallacy: A pillow is a pillow. When you nap on the couch, you are free to use the decorative pillows as a headrest to make your nap more comfortable.

Truth: See #3, Ducks.

We hope that this short guide to couch usage has been of some assistance in understanding their proper function. We should perhaps mention one further Truth: On your spouse's birthday (hint, hint), she is free to indulge in as many of these fallacies as she sees fit.