Today we bring you news of the insect world, which we have discovered to be shockingly violent. I'm sure most of us would rather remain ignorant of the goings-on in this hidden world, unless you are a six-year-old male, in which case insect violence is right up your alley, and you are amazed that some adults get paid to play around with bugs, and you too look forward to this opportunity someday. Meanwhile, you do it for free.
The first bit of shocking news about bugs is that the slave trade is alive and well among them. Ants, who are so proverbially revered for their work ethic (possibly due to their German heritage), are in actuality lazy but merciless foremen. Having a fondness for the sweet liquid stuff secreted by aphids on plants, known as honeydew, ants follow the aphids around and suck up the honeydew. This sounds pretty good, until you realize that the aphids secrete the honeydew from their backside, which apparently the ants have not really stopped to think about. I personally am stopping to think about where "honeydew" melon might come from.
But ants like this honeydew so much that they always want more, and they have figured out -- no doubt from the Internet -- how to "herd" aphids to go right where they want them to. Ants have also developed certain methods of "detainment," by which aphids are strongly discouraged from leaving a certain plant. These methods are so frightening that we are sure you do not want to know about them, unless you are a six-year-old male.
It is true that ants offer aphids some protection from predators ($9.95 a month, plus tax), but this protection is limited. Ants, for instance, are no match for parasitic wasps, whose life goal is to turn aphids into mummies. Throughout the aphid world the name of these wasps is feared, or at least it would be if aphids had any inkling of what these things can do to them. Unfortunately we will have to wait until the next blog post to find out what this is, because the Gallant Hero is kicking me off his computer.
In the meantime, you might want to ponder the origins of honeydew melon. Especially if you are not a six-year-old male.
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