Garden art

For several reasons, gardening experts recommend having a variety of plants in the garden. I have followed this advice diligently, and finally, after a few seasons of careful selection and attention, can boast a variety that consists of: live plants and formerly live plants.

The balance between these two types of plants, however, is delicate, and is always threatening to tip in favor of the second, which gardening experts generally frown upon. I have therefore engaged in serious contemplation about how to prevent this, and have determined to deliberately fill the yard with things that are not living.

This was my mother's long-standing policy regarding poinsettias at Christmastime. She had a fake poinsettia that she pulled out every year and deposited in a place of honor on the coffee table in the living room. It always remained fresh and vibrant until it was time to pack it away for the next year. Visitors frequently expressed amazement at her beautiful poinsettia, as long as they stayed some distance from it, such as outside the living room window.

But I do not have fake plants in mind for the garden. I am envisioning a blend of indoors and out, a place where the two can blend in complete harmony, and a chance to finally get rid of some of the clutter inside our house.

For instance, the newly painted Fire Engine Red ladder, propped against a tree, lends a decided air of quaintness to the garden. And it may prove a benefit to our wildlife as well. Joe observed that now the squirrel – whom we affectionately refer to as Public Enemy #1 – can just use the ladder to climb up the tree, from whence he can commence his daily scolding of us. For what, we have never quite figured out.

But we will need further decoration and camouflage for the formerly live plants. We have acquired several excess chairs, which, if placed judiciously around the yard, would provide a setting of welcoming hospitality. Those wire hangers from the dry cleaners that seem to vastly outnumber the clothes that came on them? They would make great sculptures to hang over the patio! Old pots and pans could be pressed into service as wind chimes, and old shoes as bird feeders.

Extra bedsheets could be hung tastefully and unobtrusively -- especially the bright flowered ones -- over part of the patio for a canopy, or on a few sticks for a soothing patio umbrella. The possibilities are endless! In the spirit of recycling and further quaintness, we may even park an old pickup truck in the yard.

One's garden should say who one is. Ours will clearly say "Are you distracted enough by our junk that you don't notice we have killed most of our plants?"

We'll be sure to keep that old pickup in running condition. We may need it for a quick getaway when our neighbors start protesting.