Dog tales

This installment of the blog offers a look at some of the dogs of our neighborhood, who outnumber human residents by 16 to 1, and who, through some misguided canine instinct, are always insisting on interacting with an individual who really has no desire to interact with THEM. This individual is usually me.

Are you the owner of a toy store from which two tiny, stuffed dogs have mysteriously gone missing? If so, they are residing down the street from me, and not only have they been transformed into real live dogs, they seem to believe that they have been transformed into gigantic, ferocious Dobermans.

Toy 1 and Toy 2 accosted me in the garden one night when I was politely minding my own business. This is a dog characteristic that I have yet to turn to my disadvantage: Dogs are never interested in people who are interested in them, and will resolutely ignore such individuals. Someday I will remember this, and when I happen to see a dog bounding toward me -- which happens a lot -- with its tongue lolling about, maybe if I act just as happy to see him, with my tongue lolling about, he will leave me alone. Maybe it won't work, but I'm pretty much out of other strategies.

But this particular night I became dimly aware that some yipping and yapping I had heard in the background was gradually getting closer. I turned and saw two fur balls hurtling straight for me, bent on avenging some offense. I was evidently assumed to be some criminal, and they were doing their best, through much yapping and growling, to hold me in place until some higher authority could come and give me my just due.

I decided to take a direct approach. "What's all this noise about?" I said. "You guys are the ones trespassing on my property. I should be growling at you."

I stopped short of doing so, however, mindful that neighbors could be nearby, although not the particular neighbor who owns these dogs, who was probably enjoying the peace and quiet that must have descended on her home when the dogs escaped.

Eventually the dogs decided I was not the dangerous criminal they had thought, or maybe they just got distracted by something smaller than them, such as a microbe, or maybe they finally saw their owner coming and decided they'd better move along in the opposite direction.

This owner might take a cue from my co-worker, who owns two dogs that really are gigantic, though not ferocious, and who has had to be creative in encouraging the dogs to stay with her when they are all out for a walk.

"They love cheese," she says of the dogs, "so before we go out, I go to the refrigerator and take out 3 pieces of cheese for each of them. I show it to them, and put it in my pocket while they are watching, so they know exactly where it is. They know that if they stick with me, that cheese is theirs. I never have any trouble with them running off when I have cheese."

So I'm thinking that our neighborhood, which discreetly stocks doggy trash bags throughout the community, could also start handing out cheese to dog owners needing some assistance in heeling their dogs. But it probably wouldn't make any difference. Once the dogs would see me coming, all thoughts of cheese would immediately flee their minds.