Are you trying to notify me?

Dear Organizers of Writing Contest of Well-Known Newspaper Magazine,

I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to submit an entry for your recent writing contest. I am sure that, although you must have received many excellent pieces, one or two stood out to the contest judges (specifically, I am thinking of MY piece here). I just thought I'd drop you a line and ask how the judging process is going. I ask this because I see that the window for notifying winners has passed, and, well, I can't help but wonder if some mistake has been made. 

You see, despite my giving you all my contact information-- home phone, cell phone (two), address, addresses and phone numbers of close relatives who never leave the house and always retrieve their mail promptly -- I have not yet received any notification about winning. Not, of course, that I assume my entry won, but it's a possibility, isn't it? I don't want to be any trouble, but maybe you could just, perhaps, double-check?

Perhaps I am just being a bit hasty -- your rules did state that you would notify winners "on or about" Sept. 7, so it is possible, is it not, that perhaps the window has not yet been concluded? Perhaps the "about" covers into October, or even the new year-- maybe into NEXT September?

I DID give you all my contact information, didn't I? It is possible that I left out something. Perhaps your contest judges were ill. Or perhaps your contact people were ill? If some illness is going around there, you might want to take a look into it. I would hate for anything to take the judges away from their work.

Perhaps there were many good stories in addition to mine. Perhaps I could just remind you of my title, you know, to help out a bit? Of course I would never dream of trying to influence you. But please do let me know if there is anything at all that I can do to ease the process of awarding first place to m -- whoops, ha ha! A little slip of the keyboard there, that's all.

But here I am, taking you away from your duties. My apologies. Thank you again for this opportunity -- say, did I give you my brother's sister-in-law's son's aunt's second cousin's daughter's phone number?

Sincerely,
Writing Contest Entrant