The great chocolate heist

For further evidence that, as a whole, the American diet needs to be overhauled, we need look no farther than a candy store in Colorado. During a break-in at the store last month, an individual stole numerous scoopfuls of chocolate candy, including peanut butter cups, chocolate-covered Rice Krispie Treats, and English toffee. From surveillance cameras the store owner readily identified the culprit as a juvenile, which should alarm us all that our children and young people are so drawn to sweets that they will turn to criminal activity to access them. Even more disturbing, the cameras revealed that this young, sweet-toothed individual was...a black bear, who entered the store through the front door on which the lock was broken.

This incident brings up an urgent question: Why don't I live near a candy store that sells vast quantities of chocolate and has a faulty lock on the front door? But beyond that issue, just what are we, as a nation, teaching our young black bears these days? Did this community offer a choice of shops for the bear to choose from? Say, a fruit market? Surely if he had had a variety of nutritional foods to choose from, he would have done the sensible thing and taken even MORE candy so he could have some the following day, when the store owner repaired the lock and foiled any additional break-ins.

But we can take some comfort in the fact that the bear apparently had some training in manners, as he was very tidy while in the store, and disturbed nothing except the candy he wanted. This he scooped up and took outside to consume -- again, very thoughtful -- and then returned for more. This went on for about 20 minutes, according to the cameras, during which time the bear probably consumed the equivalent of all Halloween candy sold in this country each year.

The incident has nutritional ramifications beyond this single bear. Since the break-in, visitors to the store have reportedly been asking which treats the bear enjoyed, and buying quantities for themselves. This gives me an idea. If we want people to eat more healthy -- and I am not saying I necessarily want people, including myself, to eat more healthy, but that is what we are hearing these days -- we may have to get the wildlife of America involved. Get the bears, the deer, the raccoons on camera snacking on a rice bowl with pea tendrils, and we just might convince the human population of this country to follow suit. Headlines like "Bear steals seven pounds of turnips from farmer's market!" would go a long way toward solving the junk-food problem we have.

In the meantime, the bear involved in the candy store heist would appreciate any little handouts you may care to share. Just be sure to leave your door unlocked.