A love story

A certain member of our household -- and it is not me -- has wondered aloud more than once why it is that names have to be mentioned in this blog. Specifically, his name. "Can't you write about me anonymously? You know, 'a man' did this, or 'some guy' did that? Why does everyone always have to know it's me?"

He has a point. So, in an effort to make him more anonymous, I will not mention him by name in the following story. Although since he is the hero, he might want me to.

Once upon a time there was a Prissy Princess. She was helpless in the face of large, winged insects, many of which were so enormous, in her eyes, as to resemble large lizards. Her sole method of self-defense against these creatures was shrieking, and she employed it often. This was a very effective method, as it inevitably summoned the Gallant Hero, who had Courage and Cunning to dispatch whatever it was that so alarmed the Princess (and there were many things that alarmed the Princess).

One day the Prissy Princess discovered a large, winged creature in her bathing chamber. Although she was not bathing at the time, she nevertheless was greatly disturbed at this intrusion of her personal space. The Princess, of course, shrieked a shriek that could be heard throughout the land, but no Hero came. She shrieked again, loud enough to be heard in the land beyond her land, but still no Hero arrived to rescue her. When the Princess stopped shrieking long enough to think, she remembered that the Hero was at work, doing whatever Heroes do when they are not fighting large, winged creatures.

The Princess realized that until the Hero could return and rescue her, she must act quickly -- and bravely -- to contain the creature. It must remain in that room at all costs! And so she did the bravest thing she could think of. With great resourcefulness, the Princess speedily closed the door to the chamber and proceeded to feverishly stuff her fluffy, luxurious towels -- oh, how she hated to ill-use those marvelous towels so! -- in the opening under the door. Imprisonment was likely to enrage the creature and cause it to lash out the minute the door was opened by the Hero, but this was a chance the Princess (and the Hero) had to take. Fighting evil, as the Princess well knew, often involved great risk, something she herself preferred to take as little of as possible.

All during the long afternoon (which was really only an hour or so, had the Princess paid close attention to her timepiece), the Princess waited for the Hero to return. She strode up and down the passage below the bathing chamber, wringing her hands and willing the Hero to come soon. "Oh, he must not fail me now in my hour of need!" she cried.

At last she heard his footsteps upon the stair and flew upon him. "Oh, my Hero! You must save me from the dreaded beast!"

He soothed her tears with murmurings and said gently, "Now, what is it has you vexed, my dove?"

And with great lamentings and shriekings, the Princess described what she had earlier come upon in the bathing chamber, and how she had trapped the creature until her Hero -- her brave Hero, who never failed! -- should return to send it to its doom.

The Gallant Hero sighed quietly. It was a tiresome thing, after working so hard all day, to come home to the Prissy Princess in such a state and be expected to take up arms against the enemy. Of late there had seemed to be many of them invading while he was away from the castle. Frankly, he did not see the danger in much of what the Princess shrieked at, and it hurt his ears. But he could not leave her in such distress, and he had to admit that a large, winged insect in one's bath was disturbing and, yes, possibly even dangerous. To think of his love in danger was more than he could bear.

The Gallant Hero resolutely drew his flyswatter (which he was never without since he had met and married the Princess) and ascended the stairs to do battle. "Stay here, my love," he said in a sobering tone. "There is likely to be a mighty duel, and I would keep you out of harm's way."

The Prissy Princess was all too glad to keep her distance, though she chafed a bit at being told to do so. She was helpless, she knew that, but it hurt her princessly pride to be reminded so. After all, she had been quick witted enough to contain the creature so her beloved might not have to search the castle for it -- and, of course, so that it would not come after her.

All was quiet for a while from above as the Hero stalked his prey. There was no sound for such a long time that the Princess began to fear that he had been overtaken, or perhaps had even lost his nerve and fled. "Be strong, my love!" she called up to him. "Do not let its mighty size o'erwhelm you!" She might have given him some token of hers, she thought, to encourage him in his quest. But the time for giving of tokens was past. His Courage would carry him through. That, and the fear of what the Princess would say -- and how loud her shrieks might be -- if the creature should elude him.

Suddenly the battle began. From below, the sounds were fearsome. Again and again she heard his flyswatter sing as he slashed the air with it. Once she heard him cry out, and nearly fainted with the thought that he was done in by the beast.

But then, oh raptures, she heard her Hero's voice. "I have won!" he cried. "Come up, my sweet, there is nothing to fear now."

She did as he bid, and shrieked at what she saw. Not the dead creature at her beloved's feet. She barely gave it a glance. But the room! It bore the unmistakable signs of a great struggle. Nothing was in place. In fact, it looked remarkably similar to the way it looked every morning after the Hero had completed his bathing routine.

But he was very brave, and she must not let his untidiness diminish that. "Oh, how can I demonstrate my gratitude!" the Princess said, gazing at him with devotion.

"Well," the Gallant Hero replied, gathering her into his arms, "perhaps, next time, you might shriek not quite so loudly in my ear."