This is your captain speaking

There are a lot of things in life we don't pay attention to, for the simple reason that we've become so used to them that we don't notice them anymore. Take the family dog, for instance. (Just kidding.) But seriously, does anyone take the time to memorize the location of the stairwell in a hotel, in the unlikely event there will be a fire while you are a guest there, or the more likely event that your floor's ice machine and the elevator will be broken at the same time? No. Does anyone pay attention to flight attendants while they demonstrate potentially lifesaving procedures? Yawn.

Nor does anyone listen to the pilot when he comes on periodically to tell you your current air speed, altitude, blood pressure reading, etc. This, of course, is largely due to the fact that you can't understand a word of what the pilot says. All pilots are trained to put the entire microphone in their mouth so that whatever they say comes out like this:

Pilot: Xkyzxkggst zkjdddtyjx.
You: What did he say?
Passenger: I think he said a container of turtles has broken open in the cargo area and the turtles are preparing to take over the plane.
You: Oh.
Passenger: No, wait, I think he said not to buy stock in Goodyear.

And everyone shrugs and goes back to reading the Sky Mall magazine, not that anything in there is very understandable, either. But at least it is in English.

But on our trip home from Michigan, I was startled while reading my book (Joe had taken possession of the Sky Mall) to hear an authoritative male voice say, "Folks, we apologize for putting you on this hot, stuffy plane; we'll be getting the air flow up and running very shortly here. Estimated takeoff is in 10 minutes."

I peered suspiciously around the plane, overhead at the vents, then under my seat. "Who was that?" I whispered to Joe.

"The pilot," he said, somewhat annoyed at being distracted from reading about a portable clothes dryer.

"You mean some of them speak English?" I said.

He just shrugged and continued reading.

"I don't think that was the pilot," I said, beginning to get concerned. "I could understand everything he said."

He ignored me.

I thought some more. "I think a terrorist has taken over. Maybe you should go check."

Nothing. That was one heck of a clothes dryer.

"Xkyzxkggst zkjdddtyjx," I said.

"What?" He looked at me.

I smiled. Maybe those pilots are on to something.