This is a test

Today we are going to have a little test. I know, you didn't have time to study and you hate pop quizzes, but this test is on something you've no doubt been doing all your life, so you should ace it. Heh heh, right.

Oops, sorry there.

Here's the test: If you were to say the words Mary, merry, and marry all in one sentence -- and of course you would never have occasion to do such a thing, but remember this is a test, and tests never have any basis in real life -- such as

"Mary was merry at the thought that she would soon marry John"

would you pronounce Mary, Merry, and marry all the same?

If you answered yes, you are obviously a hick, for the dictionary proclaims that the a or e in the first syllable of these three words is pronounced differently.

For the first time in my life, I can say that I am a hick. Yes, I say all those three words the same. My sentence would sound like this:

"Mary was Mary at the thought that she would soon Mary John."

I was much astonished to know that I was saying at least two of these three wrong, for everyone I know, even Baxter the Best Dog in the World who lives down the street, pronounces them the same. Perhaps native New Yorkers tend to make the a in marry a little nasally, as they tend to say everything nasally, but that's about it.

And merry -- get this -- is supposed to have the same sound as get. If you try to do that, it comes out sounding like a little kid who says "w" for "r."

It makes you wonder what else you have been saying wrong all your life. At least it made me wonder. Perhaps such things don't keep you up at night. I, however, have taken to carrying the American Heritage College Dictionary everywhere with me (and not the pocket edition), just to be sure I am saying correctly words that I have been saying all my life, such as my own name.

Fortunately, it's in the dictionary, just the way I've always said it.