Sincerely not yours

Dear Brookside,

Please stop sending me brochures about your "55 and better" residence community. The first mailing, I am willing to believe, was simply a mistake. The second was humorous, the third exasperated me, and subsequent letters have all been burned.

From the photos Brookstone seems a lovely place, or perhaps you have a very creative photographer. However, I do not and will not fit your entrance criteria for some time yet. It is true that I have recently vacated the 25-39 demographic, and yet I am still at the very early stages of the 40-60 age group. You are either seriously misinformed about my age or desperate for occupants. In either case, you are not endearing me to your community.

I do not yet need a bedroom located on the main level, although I can certainly see the advantage of being close to the refrigerator at night. Nor do I require "generous space for grandchildren." I believe one is required to have children before acquiring grandchildren. And the promise of a half-acre of land would only encourage my husband to acquire more outdoor things.

I sincerely doubt that wherever I lived, I would "never want to leave home." Do you have antique stores and flea markets on site? A Target? A Dairy Queen? These are the amenities that make my life "exciting and fulfilling."

I presently enjoy the "rich and diverse life" promised by your brochure and am afraid that by the time I am ready to retire, which by current projections will be age 103 1/2, I will be worn out. I look forward to living somewhere where I can just rest. "Fine dining! Fantastic recreational facilities! Fabulous shopping!" I am tired just thinking about it all. You might, in fact, consider adding napping facilities.

So you see, I must decline your generous offer. If you are still around in 63 1/2 years, send me a letter. I'll be at Target.

Sincerely,
Not There Yet